LNHY: The Way-Cool Adventures of Dr. Cool J Dog! #2 -- ' The Bones of Dr. Cool J Dog'

[Andrew Perron]

On Wed, 6 Feb 2013 23:46:53 +0000 (UTC), Arthur Spitzer wrote:

> Previously:  Dr. Cool J Dog made it his mission in life to show people 
> how much cooler they could be if they read and wrote LNHY stories saving 
> many souls from incredibly lame lives.  Sadly during a plane ride to the 
> 2007 Raccies -- he was attacked and killed by -- Killer Ninja Gorillas! 

If only I'd been there! ;.; *cool angst!*

> The Dr. Cool J Dog Memorial Cemetery --
> Midnight --

Wow. So having your own cemetery is cool?

> "Yeah," said Billy pointing his flashlight at the tombstone.  A 
> tombstone made out of a gigantic diamond.

Well that's fair.

> "Chickening out?" said Billy with a laugh.  "We got to do this.  We got 
> to dig Dr. Cool J Dog's bones out of there.  We got to!  Then grind them 
> up.  Grind them into a fine white powder.  Grind them!  And then..."  An 
> insane grin lit up Billy's face.  "And then snort it!  Snort it!  Snort 
> it all!!! Yeah!!!  It's going to be the Sweetest High!  The Ultimate 
> High!!  I got it off the internet!  And when we do it," said Billy 
> looking straight into Sally's eyes, "We're going to be as cool as Dr. 
> Cool J Dog ever was.  We're going to be the coolest kids in the -- 
> Looniverse!"

You know, that makes an odd sort of thematic sense.

> After an hour or so they had reached the coffin.  The solid platinum 
> coffin.  Billy wiped some sweat off of his brow and then wiped off some 
> dirt off the casket's top with his hand.

Was it golden dirt with calchedony pebbles?

> And there he was.  Dr. Cool J Dog lying peacefully in his coffin wearing 
> his trenchcoat, gold chains, cool sunglasses, and his tenor sax. 
> Strange, thought Billy, Shouldn't he be a skeleton by now?  He wasn't 
> even a rotting corpse.  He was perfectly preserved.

HE'S A COOL MUMMY!

> Perfectly preserved.  Too perfect.  Billy slowly guided his hand towards 
> Dr. Cool J Dog's muzzle.  His fingers got closer and closer and then...
> 
> ....Dr. Cool J Dog's eyes opened right up!

HE'S A COOL ZOMBIE!!!

> "Hey there, kids!" said Dr. Cool J Dog as he rose from his coffin. 
> "Robbing people's graves -- that's not cool!  Especially robbing famous 
> celebrity graves!  Not cool!"  Dr. Cool J Dog dusted some of the dirt 
> off of his clothes.

HE'S A COOL DEMILICH!!!!!

> "Remember kids, you don't need to snort the bones of some famous dead 
> celebrity like myself to be cool.  There are other ways.  Plenty of 
> ways.  Like for instant this," said Dr. Cool J Dog taking a web link out 
> of his trenchcoat.  "Like reading this here new webcomic called *ahem* 
> 'Ripping Off King Arthur' by Arthur 'Still Too Damn Cool For A Nickname' 
> Spitzer.  You'll be the coolest kids in school when you read this 
> webcomic.  And even though the art for this webcomic isn't that great -- 
> and the jokes aren't that funny and -- well just trust me -- people who 
> read 'Ripping Off Whatever it's called' are the coolest people.  Yeah. 
> Totally.  Word."
> 
> http://www.drunkduck.com/Ripping_Off_King_Arthur/

Ah. Naturally. XD

> "Wow," said Sally, "God brought you back to life -- to shill some stupid 
> webcomic?"

OR THAT!!!!!!!

> I had no plans to ever bring Dr. Cool J Dog back to life, but then this 
> idea popped into my head -- and I knew I had no choice but to do it.  So 
> there it is.  :)

Excellent. Now I can finally finish the 47-part Dr. Cool J Dog Saga.

> http://www.drunkduck.com/Ripping_Off_King_Arthur/
> 
> Febrary 7, 2013 -- Tomorrow!

YESTERDAY! *dun dun*

> Arthur "Still Shameless..." Spitzer

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, still fameless.