LNH20: Kung-Fu Holmes

[Tom Russell]

Tom Russell presents
KUNG-FU HOLMES
an LNH20 special

   "Oh nose," said Kung-Fu Holmes, stroking his proboscis, "at our
left, a brigade of possessed pogo-sticks!"
   The Counter-Clipper cracked his knuckles.  "Looks like it's time to
inflict a step-loss."
   "And on our right, ravenous robot howler monkeys!"
   "C'mon," c'mon'd C'mon, "they clearly don't have a digestive
system.  They can't be all that ravenous."
   A robot howler monkey ate his arm.
   "And above," said Kung-Fu Holmes, "it's a space alien invasion.
>From space!  We're surrounded on all sides!"
   "It's a salient!" said the Counter-Clipper, consulting his CRT in
dismay.
   Around this time, C'mon started screaming about blood loss or
something boring like that.
   "Quiet," urged Kung-Fu Holmes.  "If we four are to triumph over
three invading armies, and protect this Orphanage for Baby Kittens, I
must have complete silence so that I might slow down my personal
perception of time and single-handedly defeat them all with Kung-Fu!"
   At this moment, the fourth member of the quartet cleared his
throat.  "Or..." said Mr. Ellipsis, snapping his fingers...

   "...Well," said Mr. Ellipsis, "that was quite a workout, wasn't it,
gents?"
   The Counter-Clipper laughed.  C'mon didn't say anything; he had
passed out in the interim.
   Kung-Fu Holmes scowled.  "You always do this!  I was going to do
something cool and protagonist-y and you went and skipped over the
whole thing!"
   Mr. Ellipsis ignored him.  "Well, looks like the only thing left to
do is find homes for these baby kittens.  Come along, Counter-
Clipper..."
   Mr. Ellipsis scooped up a few kittens under his arms; the Counter-
Clipper followed suit only after he had ensured he was in compliance
with the stacking limit.
   "Alright," said Kung-Fu Holmes, grabbing a few kittens, "wait for
me."

(C) COPYRIGHT 2012 TOM RUSSELL

NOTES:

Kung-Fu Holmes is, just like it sounds, Sherlock Holmes, only he can
slow down time to explain to himself what kind of kung-fu moves he
should do, and then he does them. ;-D

The Counter-Clipper is a hex-and-counter wargamer, which means that
probably Scott Eiler and one or two others besides myself might get
the jokes I was making.  I'm cool with that.

C'mon is That Guy who expresses disbelief at anything anyone says,
just to be disagreeable.

Mr. Ellipses is an old LNH character of mine, who is now an LNH20
character.  When he snaps his fingers, certain events are elided, with
no one, not even himself, knowing exactly what took place.  As in the
base Looniverse, this really only works when it's funny and/or
frustrating-to-others for him to do so.

Feel free to use any of these characters for your own LNH20 stories,
with the usual caveat that you don't make major changes, etc.  They're
meant to be somewhat one-dimensional gag characters, and I'd
perversely like to try and keep them that way. :-)