LNH20: LNH Comics Presents: Spoon of Destiny Saga Recap

[Andrew Perron]

An empty stage, lit from above.  From the wings steps a man.

The main is of an ambiguous age, impossible to tell if he's twenty or 
thirty, and would probably look even younger if he shaved the goatee 
and moustache.  Though his glasses are transparent, his eyes are 
forever in shadow.  He wears a faux-leather longcoat that has 
seemingly, impossibly, been tye-dyed, patterns worked straight into the 
material.  Underneath, he wears a really comfortable-looking woolen 
sweater and jeans.  In each hand, he holds a space-black knitting 
needle, seething and sparkling with cosmic energies.  As he speaks, he 
walks back and forth across the stage.

"Greetings.  I am the Ununnilium Stranger, Paladin of Continuity for 
Looniverse-20.  I am he who stands and watches, intervening only when 
the threads of story are about to snap.  But now, my sacred--" *WHAM*

The camera pulls back to show that he has tripped on a banana peel, 
falling into a cream pie on a seesaw, causing a bucket of glue to be 
dumped on his body and a pillowcase full of chicken feathers to fall 
gently upon him.

A beat.

He pushes himself to his feet, muttering "How did Dave ever get 
anything done around here?"  With as much dignity as he can muster 
(only detectable on the most finely calibrated scientific equipment), 
he continues.

"In any case... the plot so far."

----
LNH20 Comics Presents #13.13131313...
Spoon of Destiny Saga Recap: Who, Where and Why
A guide to the chaotic add-on cascade
by Andrew Perron
----
                             
                             *MUSICAL STING*                            
                             
         It is a pretty good time for the LEGION OF NET.HEROES.
           They have defeated the alien tomatoes known as the 
        LYCOPERSICONS and secured the accolades of the city.  But
                         a greater threat lurks...
                         
NERF GIRL: The Legion of Net.Heroes's newest member (at the beginning 
of the story, anyway; see below.)  The daughter of Sig.Lad and 
MechaKat, two of the greatest heroes of the '90s, she has joined just 
in time to be swept up in the hunt for...

THE SPOON OF DESTINY: An artifact from immense power, taken long ago 
from the Elder Gods.  It was secured a long time ago by the LNH, but 
now, Spoons seem to be popping up all over the place!

W.H.A.T.E.V.E.R.: The World Headquarters for Anarchy, Terrorism, 
Elimination, Vengeance, Evil, and Revenge.  A villanous organization, 
controlled by ULTIVAC, the evil supercomputer.  Along with his 
henchpeople, CAT LADY, DOCTOR CONTRAPTION, and ANDREA THE COLLEGE 
STUDENT, he has been arranging problems for the Legion in order to 
distract and harry them so that they can seize the Spoon unopposed.  As 
well, the mysterious MOTHER TIME seems to be plotting with them...

"COUNCIL OF ELDERS": FEARLESS LEADER, leader of the LNH; JANUARY FROST, 
superhumanly charismatic immortal; and DOC NOSTALGIA, hero of a past 
age rebooted.  Along with AGENT MEPHITIDAE, the Legion's secret weapon, 
and KID ENTHUSIASTIC, even-more-immortal cheerful genius, they decide 
the course of the LNH.

MUSEUM TEAM: The team that has gone to defend the Spoon at the 
Netropolitan Museum of Art: Nerf Girl, Doc Nostalgia, Kid Enthusiastic, 
ULTIMATE MERCENARY, YOU'RE-NOT-HITTING-ME-HARD-ENOUGH-LAD, and NUDIST 
MAN.  They defeated DOCTOR MOOD almost without effort, only to discover 
that he was simply a plant for the OTAKAISER, who used a device powered 
by a reality-warping RETCON BALL.  Although they brought down the 
bureaucratic gaze of DEATH on him, yanking both him and the ball out of 
the battle, reality continued to bend around them, even as they entered 
the museum...

LINDSEY GENSYM: A net.human who has always wanted to help out with 
heroing, but has always lurked on the sidelines, too busy with her MBA, 
her career as a musician, the record label she runs, and various other 
projects to jump in.  However, the appearance of a mysterious, floating 
figure has spurred her to leap into the current conflict, and Mother 
Time seems to have taken an interest in her...

THE CRANIUM: A super-intelligent mouse discovered by LNHers PRIVATE EYE 
and EXPLAIN-THE-JOKE LASS, along with rougish antihero VERY-DISTURBED-
SPARKLY-VAMPIRE MAN.  He explained that he fights supervillainy as an 
intellectual challenge.  He joined the Legion just in time to explain 
the strange temporal manipulations that have Doc Nostalgia duplicated 
across time periods...

ESPIONAGE SQUAD:  The team that has gone after the Spoon hidden away in 
the vaults of the Vatican: Agent M, KILLSWITCH, LASS DRAGON, 
CONFIGURATION MAN and GIFT-WRAPPING GRANNY.  After a battle with the 
SWORDS OF PENTIENT AUTHORITY, recovered a Spoon - but not, apparently, 
the only Spoon there...

RWTN-T'BOL: An Elder God who was sought out by PROFESSOR PENUMBRA, 
MINORITY MISS, TORI, and at least one other LNHer after the Professor 
had a vision of the Earth being torn asunder.  Rwtn-T'bol revealed that 
the Elder Gods are willing to help keep the Spoon from falling into the 
wrong hands, sending in their monstrous minions to help, but that if it 
does fall to evil, they're willing to destroy the world.  It seems to 
be in a relationship with cosmic defender THE ROUTER...

THE GRIEFER: A net.hero-turned-antihero-turned-outright-villain, 
recruited by ACTON LORD to be a nemesis to Nerf Girl.  Has many of the 
weapons once belonging to time-traveling legacy hero CATASTROPHE.

GOOGLEMESH: Ancient, immortal hero, leader of the legendary Ancient 
Legion and creator of Netropolis and the LNHQ.  Was found by the 
subgroup of young LNHers known as GENERATION 2.0 and brought to the 
LNH, where he was attacked by...

THE RECOVERY MAN: Mysterious electrical life form for hire.  Contracted 
by W.H.A.T.E.V.E.R. to retrieve the Spoon of Destiny.  Deep in the 
subbasements of LNHQ, he found THE DRAGON, who would exchange the Spoon 
for the skull of Googlemesh.  The Dragon lent him *a* Spoon, with which 
to take it.  Along with the ASSASSINATION SQUAD, he attacks Googlemesh 
and Generation 2.0.  Both the Recovery Man and W.H.A.T.E.V.E.R. believe 
that his spoon is *the* Spoon, but note the actions of...

THE LEMURS: Fleeing the SUPERGUY ALTIVERSES, they travelled to 
LOONIVERSE-A.  However, captured by the original Legion, they stole 
that world's Spoon of Destiny and absconded to LOONIVERSE-20.  There, 
they were captured by...

THE KIWIS: Who stopped the Lemurs, took the Spoon they had, and threw 
it in the Dragon's manure pile....

BRIAN THE OBJECTIVIST PIZZA DELIVERY BOY: Delivered a hundred Meat 
Lover's pizzas to The Dragon, and was paid off with a simple white 
plastic spoon...

MISTER MORRISON: A being from the 16-dimensional infosphere of 
Hexworld, sent by the Elder Gods as an emissary to Netropolis.  Is 
currently causing chaos, like turning Doc Nostalgia into a Muppet, 
bending time and space, and causing the city of NETROPOLIS to float in 
midair...

NETROPOLIS: In midair.

SPOONS: One at the Netropolitan Museum of Art, one recovered by the 
Espionage Squad, one still in the form of the key of GIOELE, guard at 
the Vatican, one given to the Recovery Man, and one in the hands of 
Brian.  As well, one hinted at by Mother Time...
                         
OTHERS: Well, there's KINDLE, OTHERKIN LAD, TOO-MUCH-TIME-ON-HIS-HANDS 
LAD, PROJECT AGAMEMNON, LAWRENCE HERRERA, TOMMASO, the SOUS-CHEF 
SUPREME, PANTRA, LORD @ZRAEL, the ACTON LORD DYNASTY...

"It is quite a large world," intoned the Ununnilium Stranger. "Far be 
it from me to reveal *all* its secrets.  He tipped his hat, paused when 
he realized he wasn't *wearing* a hat, nodded, and walked offstage.

Ununnilium "THAT COSMIC GUY" "Not The Dvandom" Stranger, ever notice 
how many immortals we have in this universe?  I think it may be an 
effect of the wildness of the Deleteforce.