LNH: Parsnip the Christmas Miracle Maggot #2 out of 4: The Wonders of Parsnip!

[Arthur Spitzer]

This Holiday Special is brought to you by:

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And now...




                      The JONG Company proudly
          (well, okay proudly might be too strong of a word)
                               presents:


                  PARSNIP THE CHRISTMAS MIRACLE MAGGOT

                              #2 (out of 4)

                        The Wonders of Parsnip!

The Net.Mexico Institute for the Criminally Inane *sic* --


The Miracle Pet Catcher looked at the chunk of Fruitcake in his spoon 
from his bowl of Cream of Fruitcake soup and just stared at it.  And 
stared at it.  And then he dumped the spoon back into his bowl without 
ever tasting it.  He just wasn't that hungry.  He looked at his fellow 
inmates sitting in the cafeteria.  Some were slurping their Cream of 
Fruitcake soup and some weren't.  He looked up toward one of the corners 
that had a TV attached to it.  There was a news story on.  Something 
involving maggots?  No, a maggot!  A maggot wearing a Santa Claus hat! 
It was a new Holiday Miracle Pet!  And apparently the new replacement 
for Cauliflower!

Cauliflower.  That's why he was here -- forced to eat this Cream of 
Fruitcake slop!  And those cravings for Eggnog.  He hated Eggnog, but he 
had these cravings that that damn mutt had put in his head.  And the 
cravings were especially bad this time of year.

Cauliflower died before he could get revenge.  But now there was a new 
Christmas Miracle Pet in town.

And then one of the supervillains sitting next to him started to bang 
his spoon against his bowl and began to speak.

"Hey!  Folks!" said a man in a prison outfit that had 'Fs' scribbled all 
over it using a magic marker as well as various 'F' tattoos on his skin. 
  A supervillain known to the outside world as Dr. F!  "I've got this 
Fantastic Fleeing Formation to Free us From this Fortress of unFreedom!! 
  And once we are Free we can Finally Finish the Fiend that Forced us in 
here -- Dr. Stomper!!  And then maybe we can Form a Fabulous Force -- 
Perhaps the Dr. F Friends??  What do you Feel, my Fab Friends?"

A man in a bear costume -- the villain known as Thread Bear, shrugged 
his shoulders, "I guess."

A man in a gorilla suit and diving helmet said -- the villain known as 
-- umm -- oh yeah, Ro-Man said, "Whatever."

"And how about you Friend," said Dr. F gazing straight into the Miracle 
Pet Catcher's eyes.  "What are your Feelings?"

The Miracle Pet Catcher paused for a bit.  And the he shook his head. 
"No.  Not now.  Not the right time."

No, he wouldn't escape today.  But someday he would.  Maybe when one of 
the cooler Miracle Pets got their own miniseries.  But not today.

But someday he would.  And when he did the all those Holiday Miracle 
Pets better just watch out.  Yeah.  They better watch out.

And the chunks of Fruitcake continued to get soggier and soggier.

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The Echo Lad Memorial Memorial Children's Children's Hospital Hospital -


The nurse who was manning the front desk looked straight at the piece of 
floating rotting meat in front of her.  And at the tiny maggot with the 
Santa hat that was riding it.  It was Parsnip's floating Rotting 
Meat.Thingee that acted as both a headquarters as well as transportation 
device.

"I'm sorry," said the nurse, "But we don't have -- umm -- any sick kids 
today.  Yes, no sick kids."

" ''''' '''''' '''''?" said Parsnip looking at some kids being rolled 
around in wheelchairs.

"Oh, those?  Umm -- those are -- um -- actors -- yeah, actors!!  Child 
actors pretending to be sick children!  Yeah, just a bunch of child 
actors here -- but no sick kids!  Not a single one!  Maybe you should 
try some other children's hospital?  Anyways, I want to thank you for 
stopping by -- the exits are over there.  Right over there.  Goodbye. 
Bye.  Don't make me have to call security.  Bye!"

Parsnip with a hurt expression on his face drove his flying Rotting 
Meat.Thingee towards the sliding glass doors exit.


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NEXT WEEK:  Will Parsnip actually do something (well at least something 
more than riding around in a Rotting Meat.Thingee)?

Credits:

Thread Bear -- Timothy Toner
Ro-Man -- Matt "Badger" Rossi
Parsnip, Dr. F, and the Miracle Pet Catcher -- Arthur Spitzer

Arthur "This keeps getting worse and worse..." Spitzer