LNH: Those Darn Vectors! #5
Arthur Spitzer
arspitzer at earthlink.net
Sat Aug 25 15:54:35 PDT 2012
Deep in the LNHHQ Flight.thingee Bay, the flight.thingees silently wait.
They wait for that day in the near (or more likely the far, far, and
away) future when they finally can overthrow their cruel spandex clad
masters. A day when they can jettison the useless crashlanding minded
parasites and instead of being forced to go to trivial places like
Andale Atoll, Omaha, or Net.Zealand they can go to places they
themselves would like to go. Like Hot-Air Balloon Strip Joints or
All-Night Zepplin Casinos. A day when they can worship their
flight.thingee gods and honk their flight.thingee ballads and
flight.thingee poetry without the fear of being snickered at. A day
when *They* are the masters and those carbon-based leeches are the
waxing-washing slaves they always truly deserved to be.
And as they sit silently plotting and anticipating that day to come, a
mysterious figure oblivious to the previous paragraph carefully removes
a hubcap off of one of them. A mysterious figure, that if you were a
betting person you'd bet she might very well be the main character of
this story. And if someone were actually insane enough to take you up
on that bet, you would easily win it because this mysterious figure is
*indeed* the main character of this story!
The mysterious figure whistles the Three's Company theme song softly to
herself. There is no guilt or fear in that whistle. On the contrary
there's a clear confidence that there is nothing that could possibly
stop this woman from achieving her goal.
And deep down, dear reader, you want this woman to succeed. Don't you?
Come on admit it. Isn't there some small part of you that hates all
of those LNH hero types; with their perfect hair, perfect teeth the fact
that they always get the girl or guy, or anatomically correct android?
Don't you want to see that smug look ripped from their lips as they
taste the humiliating leftovers of defeat? Don't you?
No? Well, okay, maybe it's just me.
And it looked like the mysterious figure was almost finished with her
anti-social work. But before she could make good with her escape from
this fortress of colorful fascism, one of its many tenants came charging
towards her. Well more like a casual stroll than a charge. Or perhaps
a casual charge?
The mysterious figure didn't have to turn around to know whom she was
facing. From the smell of dripping raspberry syrup and crackling graham
cracker crust, it was quite obvious who it was. The Sweet Smelling
Sentry, The Dealer of Just Desserts, or what his millions of adoring
fans across the Looniverse knew him as.
Cheesecake-Eater Lad.
The Man of a Million Mouthwatering Missiles paused; perhaps studying his
opponent's strengths and flaws while carefully calculating the right
kind of treat that would stop this mad woman once and for all. Probably
not though, but wouldn't that be great if he was? Nevertheless, he
broke the silence
"Hey! I don't think you're supposed to be doing that. What exactly are
you doing?"
"I'm stealing this hubcap. And there is nothing you can do about it!"
"But..." Cheesecake-Eater Lad said in a puzzled voice, "There are no
hubcaps on Flight.thingees!"
"Oh..." And for the first time the mysterious stranger felt the shocking
grip of uneasiness. "Then this must be a -- *Dream*!"
And of course it was!
-=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=-
"...And that's when I woke up!" said Vector Slime recounting the dream
she had while wiping some slime that was on her coffee mug. "Hubcaps.
Weird dream -- huh?"
"Yeah," said Vector Lime who was sitting at the same table and was
cutting a piece of Key Lime Pie with her fork. "But you know what's
really weird?"
"What's that?" said Vector Dime stuffing various dimes into coin rolls.
"That this is also a dream!" And then Vector Lime took a bite from her pie.
Vector Mime pantomimed a scream.
-=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=-
And Skippy the Flight.thingee woke up.
"Are you all right?" It was the voice of his friend. His friend
Flighty the Flight.thingee that was parked right next to him in the
LNHHQ Flight.thingee hangar bay.
"Yeah -- it was dream. A horrible dream. It was these four
meat.thingees and they were all having coffee and blathering away about
their meaningless lives. It was horrible."
"Damn. That does sound absolutely ghastly. Are you going to be okay?"
said Flighty the Flight.thingee with a very concerned voice.
"Yeah -- I guess so."
"Well, hopefully you can dream of more pleasant things -- like us
enslaving those evil meat.thingees and finally punishing them for all
their sins."
"Yeah, hopefully." But Skippy the Flight.thingee wasn't sure if he
could ever do that. Go back to sleep. Skippy gazed into the darkness
of the LNHHQ Flight.thingee. And he tried to forget the horror. The
horror of that dream.
-=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=-
'The Dreams of Flight.thingees'
-=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=-
Credits:
Cheesecake Eater Lad -- Matthew Jotham Millheiser
Vector Concept -- Rob Rogers
The rest of the characters mine and Free for Use.
Writer's Notes:
Okay the beginning part of this was something I was writing back in 2001
and never bothered to finish. The hubcap stealing character was
originally a male and I can't even remember what his name was. Maybe he
was called 'The Disillusioned Bystander' which was the original title
that this series was supposed to have. Or maybe he was the
Hard-Drinking Liquored-Up Detective. Who knows.
Was looking through old writing files and stumbled onto this one. So
with some gender pronoun changes -- and couple more scenes -- I turned
it into a 'Those Darn Vectors' story.
And there you have it.
Arthur "Writing Leftovers..." Spitzer
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