LNH: Incredibly Stupid Man #2

[Martin Phipps]

                         INCREDIBLY STUPID MAN #2

  Good evening.  This is NNN, the Net.News Network, and I'm Trevor
Trent.
  I finally managed to interview somebody from the Occupy Wall Street
camp last night.  It was a Mr. John Christopher Stupidman.

NNN: Thank you for agreeing to this interview.

JCS: Thank you for having me.

NNN: First of all, if you don't mind me saying so, you look familiar.

JCS: Oh?

NNN: Are you by any chance related to Republican presidential
candidate Ian Christopher Stupidman?

JCS: Oh, yes I am!  He's my twin brother.  But I'm the smart one.

NNN: I see.  Well, good then.  Perhaps you can explain what Occupy
Wall Street is all about.

JCS: Right.  One day I woke up and I realized I didn't have any
money.  I thought that was unfair.  So I am here protesting on Wall
Street.

NNN: Because you don't have any money?

JCS: Exactly.

NNN: So you somehow expect to profit from the demonstrations?

JCS: Absolutely not.

NNN: Well then, perhaps you can explain to me exactly what the
connection is.

JCS: Right.  You see, 1% of the population has all the money and the
rest of us have none.

NNN: That's not entirely true.

JCS: Of course it is!  I checked my wallet before I came here.

NNN: Actually, according to a 2010 study by Edward N. Wolff at New
York University, the top 1% of Americans own 35% of the wealth and the
top 20% of Americans own 85% of the wealth.

JCS: Well I don't have any money at all.

NNN: Well then I guess that puts you in the bottom 1%.

JCS: I guess.

NNN: Have you tried looking for work?

JCS: Well, sure.  In fact, I figured while I was here on Wall Street I
would ask for a job.

NNN: What kind of job?

JCS: Maybe one of those accountancy type jobs.  You know, because I'm
good with numbers.

NNN: And how did that work out?

JCS: They said I needed to give them a resume.

NNN: You don't have a resume?

JCS: No and I asked them where I could go get one but they told me
they were too busy to talk to me!

NNN: You would have to type a resume yourself.  I lists your education
and your work experience.

JCS: Oh.  Okay.  Like what kindergarten I attended, you mean?

NNN: Actually, no, they would only be interested in college or
university degrees.  And the work experience would also have to be
related to accounting.

JCS: Well, there you go!  It's like I thought!

NNN: How so?

JCS: The system here is one that supports people who are already
wealthy!

NNN: Could you explain what you mean by that?

JCS: It's only rich people who can afford to go to college or
university!

NNN: That's not actually true either.  About 10% of Americans over 25
have an associate degree and 27% have a bachelor's degree.  That means
at least 37% of Americans over 25 have finished at least two years at
college or university.

JCS: Okay, what about the other 37%?

NNN: Do you mean the other 63%?  The 63% of Americans over 25 who have
no university degree?

JCS: Yeah, what about them?

NNN: Not all jobs require a university degree so it isn't necessary
for everyone to have one.

JCS: Okay.  But jobs on Wall Street require them, right?

NNN: Yes.

JCS: Well then.

NNN: Well then what?

JCS: The system is designed to prevent the majority of Americans from
getting Wall Street money.

NNN: Alright.  So what do you hope to accomplish with your protest?

JCS: I want the people on Wall Street to give me their money.

NNN: All of it?

JCS: Some of it.

NNN: Do you think that's fair?

JCS: Of course.  They have money.  I don't.  So they shopuld give me
some.

NNN: How would you feel if somebody came up to you and asked you for
money?

JCS: I don't have any money.

NNN: And if you did?

JCS: I would give them some.

NNN: You would?  What if somebody without shoes came up to you and
asked you for your shoes.  Would you give them your shoes?

JCS: I would give them one shoe and then each of us would have a shoe.

NNN: But then neither of you would be able to walk properly.

JCS: What else can we do?  It would not be fair for one of us to have
two shoes and the other to have no shoes.

NNN: What if both of you had shoes?

JCS: You said he didn't have shoes.

NNN: I mean somebody can make a pair of shoes.  Of course then one of
you would have to provide a good or service in exchange for the shoes,
if you didn't have money I mean.  Or you provide a good or service to
somebody else and they give you money and then you can buy the shoes.
That's how it's supposed to work.  People don't just give things away.

JCS: Why not?

NNN: We have ownership of property because otherwise people could just
take what you have and you wouldn't have anything.  It would be
anarchy.  Basically it would be the people with guns who would end up
having everything.

JCS: Isn't that the way it is now?  The top 1% has everything and
that's why we don't have anything.

NNN: It's not that simple.  The top 1% of the population do already
pay more than 39% of the taxes.  Are you saying that's not enough?

JCS: We should tax the top 1% more so that everybody has something and
nobody has nothing.

NNN: Well, alright.  Let's leave it at that.  Thank you again for
agreeing to this interview.

JCS: Thank you for having me.

  That was yesterday.  Today, John Christopher Stupidman is back on
Wall Street joining the protest.  And that means he still doesn't have
a job.  Nor is he going to college and getting an education.

Martin