LNHY: Looniverse Y #8: 'Just Add Water...'
Arthur Spitzer
arspitzer at earthlink.net
Sun Apr 17 15:06:44 PDT 2011
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L O O N I V E R S E
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N U M B E R
E I G H T
[Cover: A large number of panicked people in various swimming apparel
scream while they run away from something that is coming from the Ocean.
Except for a kid wearing a jumpsuit and a domino mask who only says,
'Cool!']
'Just Add Water...'
April 17, 2011 --
The Streets of Net.ropolis Y --
Kid Enthusiastic Y squinted his eyes as the powerful beam of light
coming from the briefcase bathed his face. And then the light dimmed.
And there was a beeping noise. It was coming from some strange
primitive looking electronic device (something people way back in the
olden days of 2004 might have used and thought was cool) that was kind
of heavy. Maybe his grandparents might know what it was. But right
before he could decide whether to cut his trip short to the LNHHQ and go
to his grandparents (or some other old person) a voice started to speak
to him.
<:Greetings, New Master of All that is Corrupt!:>
"Whuh? You talking to me?"
<:Of course. You are the Leader of the System Corruptors, are you not?:>
"Me? I think you're a bit confused. I just opened this briefcase up.
It's not mine. I guess I shouldn't have done that, but..."
<:Then you are the leader. For the first to open this briefcase shall
be anointed Master of All that is Corrupt!!:>
"Umm. Okay. What exactly are you?"
<:I am the New System Corruptor Member Detector! I have the ability to
detect new members for your army of darkness! I also have an entire
library of knowledge of the art of evil within me -- to aid you in your
quest to bring this world to its knees. And I can also be used as an
AM/FM Radio.:>
"AM/FM? A radio? What's that? Can I text messages to twittime? Do
Podcasts? Download music and movies? Look at my FaceTube page? How
about Apps? What are the coolest Apps?"
The New System Corruptor Member Detector paused a bit as if trying to
decipher all of that and then just gave up. <:I have no idea what
you're talking about.:>
"Oh. Well, I guess finding um -- new members for my army of darkness --
well, that's kind of cool -- I guess. Oh wait! Will this conflict with
my being a member of the LNH?"
<:What? You cannot be a member of the LNH and the System Corruptors!
It is unheard of!!:>
"Oh? Guess I'll have to turn this down then. I want to be a member of
the LNH!! They're the greatest!!"
<:You cannot turn it down. Once you opened the case, you became this
Looniverse's Leader of the System Corruptors! You shall be it till the
day you die!!:>
"Are you saying there is no way for someone else to be leader?"
<:No, there are ways. There is the Contest.:>
"The Contest? What's that?"
<:It is the System Corruptor method for deciding who the leader should
be. It works like this: Two villains walk into a room. Only one of
them steps out.:>
"What happens to the other one?"
<:Do I have to spell it out for you?:>
"Umm." And then Kid Enthusiastic Y's eyes widened as he got it. "Oh!
I see."
<:But as long as no one challenges you for leadership, you should be
okay. Just to be safe you should probably do everything I tell you to
do. Just to be safe.:>
"Okay! So, what happens next?"
<:We find some more members. Ah, yes. I can sense a new member. To
the beach!:>
"Weeee!" shouted Kid Enthusiastic Y.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Looniverse Y YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Deep in the Ocean next to Net.ropolis Y Beach --
Google.mesh! thought a being covered in seaweed and barnacles. It had
been trapped down in the Ocean for Ages thanks to that no good meddler.
But now the chains that had bound it had grown weak and after years of
walking on the Ocean floor it could feel dry land oh so near.
It would have its revenge.
Oh yes it would.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Looniverse Y YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Net.ropolis Y Beach --
"Wow! Waves!! Look!!" shouted Kid Enthusiastic Y pointed towards the
ocean.
<:Yes. Wonderful. But let us not lose focus. We are here to find our
newest member.:>
"Yay!! Do you see 'em?"
<:No. It doesn't appear to have arrived just yet.:>
"Ok-e-doke! What else is in this?" said Kid Enthusiastic Y opening the
briefcase up again. "Ooh! What is this black swirling stuff?" Kid
Enthusiastic Y began to shake a glass sphere that had a rather creepy
black fog swirling around in it. "Kind of spooky!"
<:Do not drop that! I repeat: Do not drop that! Just put it black.
Please -- put it back.:>
"What's in it?"
<:Believe me, you don't want to know. You really don't want to know.
Just put it back. Carefully!:>
"Okay! How about this?" Kid Enthusiastic Y took out a book entitled
'Everything You Always Wanted To Know About The System Corruptors, But
Were Afraid To Ask' by St. wReavenger Van Saxdrippseel McHuberyike III.
"All the pages are blank!!"
<:Good. Err -- I mean -- that's a shame. Just put it back with the
other items.:>
Kid Enthusiastic Y put the book back and grabbed a bottle filled with
pills. SCHQ Pills according to the label. "What about these?" Kid
Enthusiastic Y started to shake the bottle.
<:Do not shake that bottle! Put that back too! We'll deal with that
later -- in someplace a lot dryer than here. Just put it...:>
"Oh come on! I just want a little peek! I'll put them back after I --
Hmm. This has some kind of child proof cap on it. Let me just..." As
Kid Enthusiastic Y tried to pry the cap off the Ocean started to get
closer and closer to his feet.
<:Please! Don't Do that! Just -- Please!! Listen to me!!!:>
As the Ocean swept over Kid Enthusiastic Y's feet, he could feel some
progress in getting the cap. Just need a little more force and then the
cap would...
And with a snap, the cap flew off and unfortunately so did the entire
pill bottle. "Oops," said Kid Enthusiastic Y as he watched the entire
pill bottle fall into the seawater below him.
And then he noticed that the water was starting to bubble like it was
boiling. "Cool! What's happening?"
<:Run!! Get out of here!! It's not safe!! Run!!:>
"Okay." And Kid Enthusiastic Y began to run.
<:Wait! Don't leave me! Don't leave ME!!:>
<:Oh hell.:>
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Looniverse Y YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
It had finally reached land. It pulled the various sea life that had
attached itself to it as it stepped onto the beach. As it discarded the
seaweed, barnacles, clams, lobsters: it revealed itself to have a female
form. She also revealed herself to be wearing some type of leather.
Leather that seemed to be immune to the wear and tear of the sea. An
exciting leather at that. And she also wore something else.
She passed by two girls on beach blankets.
"My god. Is she wearing what I think she's wearing?" said one of the
girls. A girl named Cherry.
"Yeah, she definitely is," said the other girl named Salsa.
"How tacky! A Strap-on -- in April! You've got to wonder about these
people sometimes."
Exciting Leather Strap-On Lass ignored the two bikini clad fashion
police. There was only one thought in her ancient evil mind.
Google.mesh!!!!
Salsa put her sunglasses down slightly. "Cherry. Should the ocean be
boiling?"
"Nope. Don't think so."
"Get out of here?"
"Yeah. Good idea."
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Looniverse Y YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
NEXT TIME: Will someone stop the ocean from becoming a zillion or so
System Corruptor Headquarters?? Is it Tacky to wear a Strap-On in
April?? Will there be a next issue?? All these questions may or may
not be answered -- Next Time on Looniverse Y!!!!!
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Looniverse Y YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Credits:
Kid Enthusiastic Y -- Andrew Perron
Exciting Leather Strap-On Lass, Cherry, and Salsa -- Arthur Spitzer
Google.mesh -- Martin Phipps
Writer's Notes: Okay, the System Corruptors now has a female member --
so Kid Enthusiastic Y won't have to get a sex change.
Here's the newest members roster entry:
NAME: Exciting Leather Strap-on Lass
CREATED BY: Arthur Spitzer (arspitzer at earthlink.net)
TYPE: Usable Without Permission
POWERS: She can survive being under the Ocean for hundreds of years.
ADD NOTES: She was Gotta-Luv-Me Lad's first girlfriend made from
his second nose. She is the first female and has been alive for over
12,000 years. Mother of the Lilim race. She's a member of the System
Corruptors.
FIRST ISSUE: The Daily Super Short-Short Story #5
Yeah, not really sure what her powers are. Magic I suppose. I suppose
she must be powerful if she thinks she can take on Google.mesh.
Arthur "Now Back to Beige Midnight..." Spitzer
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