[LNH/RACCies/TEB] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies – Trade Ethetherback (1/2)
Saxon Brenton
saxonbrenton at hotmail.com
Thu Nov 5 19:35:08 PST 2009
[LNH/RACCies/TEB] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies – Trade Ethetherback (1/2)
This is the trade etherback edition of the first of the 'Just
Imagine...' chaotic add-on cascades, collecting the twenty-three parts of
the _Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies!_ story from early 2005. As of
the time of posting there are four in this series:
* Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies! [2005]
* Just Imagine Saxon Brenton Presents the RACCies... Again! [2006]
* Just Imagine... Saxon Brenton's RACCies on a Plane Filled with
Killer Ninja Gorillas! [2007]
* Just Imagine Saxon Brenton vs. Andrew Perron in the Return of
the RACCies! [2009]
Of these only the first had a story that was actually finished.
Most chaotic add-on cascades simply stop. Nevertheless, there are plot
threads that carry through (chaotically, naturally) into the later stories.
Part 1 Part 2
#1 - Andrew Perron #16 - Jamie Rosen
#2 - Jamie Rosen #17 - Arthur Spitzer
#3 - Saxon Brenton #18 - Andrew Perron
#4 - Andrew Perron #19 - Martin Phipps
#5 - Martin Phipps #20 - Jamie Rosen
#6 - Jamie Rosen #21 - Martin Phipps
#7 - Jesse Willey #22 - Saxon Brenton
#8 - Andrew Perron #23 - Martin Phipps
#9 - Martin Phipps Epilogue – Martin Phipps
#10 - Jamie Rosen
#11 - Saxon Brenton
#12 - Martin Phipps
#14 - Jamie Rosen
#15 - Andrew Perron
[1]
From: Andrew Perron <pwerdna at outgun.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Subject: [RACCies] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #1
Date: Fri, 28 Jan 2005 09:32:13 +0000 (UTC)
Organization: Mad Scientist Otaku Cabal
Lines: 46
Manga Man yawned.
Now, don't get him wrong. It wasn't that he didn't like the way
things were. After all, he'd basically succeeded in his original
mission: manga and anime were popular and well-appreciated in the US.
And it wasn't as if he *wanted* to go back to fighting net.heroes for
a living; he enjoyed his new career as the mascot and chief
spokespersonl for OsakaPop Publications.
It was just... kinda boring.
He put on his virtual-reality visor and tapped his finger on the
pseudoreal icons. Hmmmm. Speaking of net.heroes, he hadn't looked at
rec.arts.comics.creative for awhile. Maybe there was a new issue of
Easily-Discovered Man (okay, probably not, but...)
Ah, the RACCies. He remembered the good old days... the pomp, the
majesty, the time Pointless Awards Man tried to fuse ASH and
Superguy... good times.
The computer ding!ed, breaking him from his reverie. Virus found?
Looking closer, he gasped. There was a virus encoded directly into
the plain text of the emai! How devious (and totally impossible)!
Tapping a few keys, he isolated a copy of the virus and executed it.
He gasped. The virus would lay in wait until the day of the vote,
then would take the winner of each... and delete every post ever made
by that person! No archive would be safe! It would be as if an LNH
author had never existed... he shuddered.
Manga Man stood, a nonexistent gust of wind making the spikes of his
hair wave dramatically. "I must go and warn the LNH, before it's...
TOO LATE!"
With that, he leapt out the window and was gone.
And, unseen within the quantum foam of the mangatech hard drive, a
malign intelligence smiled.
--
Cascade bait much?
Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, who *is* going to send in
nominations, darnit.
[2]
From: "Jamie Rosen" <jamie.rosen at sunlife.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Subject: Re: [RACCies] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #1
Date: Fri, 28 Jan 2005 15:41:35 +0000 (UTC)
Organization: http://groups.google.com
Lines: 59
JUST IMAGINE.... Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #2
by Jamie Rosen
"Aaaaaaaah!" screamed Mangaman as he plumetted through the air. He
should have known not to request an office on the fifteenth floor, what
with the Net.villainous penchant for leaping out of windows.
Thankfully, an LNH flight.thingee was flying by at a dangerously low
altitude at just that moment, the sunroof open to catch some rays. And,
apparently, some Mangamen.
"Oof!" Mangaman grunted as he landed on the floor of the
flight.thingee, his eyes temporarily replaced with spirals as stars
twirled about his head. Recovering, he began to explain, "We have to
get the rest of the LNH, because --" he glanced up to see the identity
of his rescuer. "You!"
"What, you were expecting someone else?" asked Boysenstrawblue Alan
Berry, the Fastingest Man Alive.
----
Meanwhile, somewhere between this world and the next....
"I can't be dead," Pointless-Awards-Man II exclaimed. "I mean, I just
can't!"
"We saw your head explode," said anonymous RACC reader #1.
"But.... but....!"
"Wait a minute!" interjected anonymous RACC reader #2.
"What?" asked anonymous RACC reader #1.
"Did we really?"
"Hmm?"
"Well, if you think about it, all we really did was *read about* his
head exploding. We're RACC readers, after all, not RACC, uh, seers."
"Hmm."
----
WHO is Boysenstrawblue Alan Berry?
WHAT is the true fate of Pointless-Awards-Man II?
WHERE is Pointless-Awards-Man I?
WHEN will Andrew send in his nominations?
WHY can't we all get along?
and
HOW do you do?
Find the answers to all, some, or none of these questions in the next...
JUST IMAGINE... Saxon Brenton's RACCies!
[3]
From: saxon.brenton at uts.edu.au
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Subject: Re: [RACCies] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #1
Date: Sat, 29 Jan 2005 01:27:14 +0000 (UTC)
Organization: http://groups.google.com
Lines: 104
[RACCies] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #3
My Goodness. I can't leave you people alone for a minute, can I?
Mmff. A [RACCies] cascade. That's a new twist. Does this mean I
can still use the version of Boysenstrawblue I've been crafting based on
Ursula Le Guin's _Left hand of Darkness_, 'cause this is the
non-continuity version of the character?
Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #3 - by Saxon Brenton
"Ah-ha," cried Mangaman, jumping up as his frenzied mind leapt into
villainous cliche #136 ('When confronted by a potential opponent that
you aren't properly prepared for, try to fake them out with grandiose
claims so as to gain yourself time for either the Fight Scene or a
strategic retreat.').
Objectively speaking, this was not exactly the best thing to do,
since Mangaman was actually *trying* to find the LNH and get their help,
and his actions - which included not just whipping out his cool-looking
lightsaber-like sword but also not only getting footprints all over
the upholstery - would count against him later in the story. But he
was stressed, caught by surprise, and reflexes like that are often
the only that that keep you alive when you work in the net.ahuman
conflict business. Semi-retired or not, he hadn't lost his edge.
"Back, baka!" he continued, his reflexes still running ahead of him
as he used his free hand to bring forth from his belt a small container
labelled 'Granny Feldenmeyer's Peanut Butter Fudge'. "In this
container I have last batch of my dreaded Manga Disease Virus,
which will instantly cause you to mutate into a super-deformed style
version of yourself!" And then before Boysenstrawblue could react, he
ripped the lid off the container.
Half a dozen fake snakes sprang out and ricochet all over the cabin.
"Oops," went Mangaman.
"Actually, that looks more like a carefully coded reference to
tentacle sex hentai," said Boysenstrawblue.
---===#===---
"You know," interjected anonymous RACC reader #3. "Does it
*matter* whether he got killed or not? These are comic books after
all. People come back from the dead all the time."
"Yes, but," countered anonymous RACC reader #1, "these days when
people come back they need at least a four part storyline with
crossovers and a die-cut cover enhancement."
"No no no," said anonymous RACC reader #2. "That's more 90s.
These days it'd just be a four part storyline."
Anonymous RACC reader #1 raised an eyebrow. "You think the
comics industry has learnt its lesson from the speculator driven
excesses of the 1990s?"
"I doubt it," said anonymous RACC reader #5. "Just look at the
glut of X-Men franchise books we have at the moment."
"Where's anonymous RACC reader #4?" asked anonymous RACC reader #1.
"Still crashed and unconscious in bed after a late Friday night
on the turps," said anonymous RACC reader #5.
"Oh? I guess that means he's one of the guys in the Asia-Pacific
region, since everybody else is still on the FriDAY side of the date line."
"People, please, we're wandering off track AGAIN," said Anonymous
RACC reader #3. "Can we get back to Pointless Awards Man II's problem?"
"Yes please!" squeaked the distraught PAM2.
"Now, it seems to me that although it's true that these days returns
from the dead need to be explained, we don't need to go to an awful
lot of hype or razzle-dazzle to do so," continued anonymous RACC reader #3.
"Are you sure we need to even explain it?" asked anonymous RACC
reader #2. "I mean *explanations* are only there to help maintain
the illusion of reality needed to suspend disbelief. He could always
just go: 'Hi there. I'm the villain, and I'm back from the dead. And
because villains always return from the dead, I'm not going to even
try to justify it. It's what we do. Deal with it.' "
"I am not a villain!" said Pointless awards Man II. "Stop saying that!"
"Excuse me? You locked Pointless Awards Man I in a closet for
*years* just so you could host the RACCies," said anonymous RACC
reader #3. "That sounds like rather selfish, non-heroic behaviour to me."
"It's not true!" cried PAM2. "Stop saying those things! It wasn't
me! It was two other people who are somebody else! Half the lies
they tell about me aren't true anyway!"
---
Saxon Brenton Uni of Technology, city library, Sydney Australia
saxon.brenton at uts.edu.au
[4]
From: Andrew Perron <pwerdna at outgun.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Subject: [RACCies] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #4
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2005 04:12:43 +0000 (UTC)
Organization: Mad Scientist Otaku Cabal
Lines: 55
Manga Man circled around the cockpit, as Boysenstrawblue Alan "Steve"
Berry set the autopilot and got out of his chair. His mind whirred
frantically, thinking up a plan by which he could defeat this net.hero
and, and, and what was he doing again? Let's see, that's right, oh SH--
He shouted, as he was knocked to the ground by Berry's foot-sweep,
"Wait! We need to tell the LNH--" CRACK! His head impacted a metal
bulb at exactly the wrong angle, and he was out like a light.
The Fastingest Man Alive nodded, and picked up Manga Man's inert body.
Must be a rookie, out to take down one of the less-powerful LNHers.
Well, Ultimate Ninja could deal with him...
---===#===---
"Okay, so we're agreed then," said anonymous RACC reader #1. "For
Pointless Awards Man II to come back from the dead, we'd need either a
four-issue miniseries where he returns to save Pointless Awards Man I,
an arc of LNH Comics Presents written by his original writer, or a
chaotic add-on cascade where he appears suddenly, without
explaination, in the middle of events."
"But anonymous RACC reader #1," replied anonymous RACC reader #2,
"this *is* a chaotic add-on cascade, and he did in face appear
suddenly, without explaination, in the middle of events."
"...well shoot, you're right," said anonymous RACC reader #1. "Sorry
about that, Pointless Awards Man II, I--"
But he was gone, and the readers could only turn back to their
computer screens to see what happened next.
---===#===---
The Shoe Devil cackled. After this night, it would own all their soles!
---===#===---
Mike shuffled down the street. Nothing to do, then, but sit and wait
for the rejection letter from the pizza place. If only something
exciting would--
*BOOM!*
Mike stared at the glowing purple rock that had embedded itself in the
concrete. Slowly, a hatch opened on its site.
"Young Earthling... you must help me... must take on... the power...
of Grapety Purple Man..."
---===#===---
Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, no idea.
[5]
From: phippsmartin at hotmail.com
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Subject: [LNH] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #5
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2005 11:08:27 +0000 (UTC)
Organization: http://groups.google.com
Lines: 170
[RACCies] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #5 (by Martin Phipps)
Later, Manga Man woke up at LNH HQ surrounded by Boysenstrawblue Alan
Berry (the Fastingest Man Alive), Deja Dude, Ultimate Ninja, Doctor
Stomper and Kid Enthusiastic, amongst others.
"This guy attacked me," Alan explained, "just like that out of the blue."
"And you survived?" asked Ultimate Ninja. He was clearly impressed.
"What does that mean?" Alan asked.
"He didn't mean any insult," Deja Dude explained. "This is Manga Man."
"Really?" Kid Enthusiastic asked. "Manga Man?"
"Okay," Alan said, "I give up. Who is Manga Man."
"He's only one of the first LNH villains, along with Dr. Killfile,
Y-Plex Burp, Table --"
"Kid Enthusiastic is refering to the Cosmic Plot Device Caper," Deja
Dude explained. "It was the first LNH adventure, although there have been
some stories that have been retro-actively placed earlier in continuity."
"Am I supposed to be impressed?" Alan asked. "This guy tried to kill
me and I stopped him easily."
"If he had tried to kill you," Ultimate Ninja said flatly, "you'd be
dead. We need answers. Doc, revive him."
"There's no need," Doctor Stomper observed, "he's already coming to."
"The LNH," Manga Man said. "Thank heaven. I need your help."
"Then why did you attack me?" Alan asked.
"Me? Nonsense! _You_ attacked _me_!"
Alan shook his head. "He's lying!"
"I suspect he is only relating events the way he remembers them,"
Doctor Stomper surmised. "After all, neither of you have motivation to lie."
"It did all happen a bit fast," Alan conceded.
"So why were you looking for us?" Ultimate Ninja asked.
"There's a computer virus," Manga Man explained. "I don't know how
far it has spread. But the virus will lay in wait until the day of the
RACCies vote, then would take the winner of each category and delete
every post ever made by that person! No archive would be safe! It
would be as if the LNH author in question had never existed."
"What do you care?" Kid Enthusiastic asked. "I thought you wanted to
destroy the LNH?"
"Destroy the LNH?" Manga Man asked. "Never! In fact, without me,
there wouldn't even be an LNH!"
"What's he talking about?" Alan asked.
"Manga Man is the WC of Craig Thomas Judd," Deja Dude explained, "and
even though Craig hasn't been on usenet since September, 1992, Manga
Man still retains the core essence of the character Craig created for
the Cosmic Plot Device Caper and is, therefore, aware of the intentions
his author had at the time he was created."
"Precisely!" Manga Man said.
"But wasn't Manga Man a villain?" Kid Enthusiastic asked.
"Yes," Deja Dude said, "but he was presumably less interested in
destroying the LNH as he was in telling a good story."
"Indeed," Manga Man said. "Without villains, there would be no story
and without stories there would be no LNH. None of the original CPDC
writers are still around and yet the LNH lives on! That was my doing!
I no more want to see this legacy erased than any of you!"
"It seems as though we have no choice but to join forces with Manga Man
in this instance," Ultimate Ninja observed.
"But what are we supposed to do?" Alan asked. "How do we fight a virus?"
"We do what we always do," Kid Enthusiastic decreed. "We're the LNH!
We find out who is responsible and we start hitting them until they give up!"
"It might not be that easy," Deja Dude mused.
"What do you suggest?" Kid Enthusiatic asked.
"If the virus only affects stories written by RACCies winners then I
suggest that everybody vote for Andrew Perron in all categories," Deja
Dude suggested. "Then his stories will all be deleted and everybody
else's stories will remain unaffected, thereby causing the minimum
amount of damage because Andrew only managed to get out four issues of
his Digital Jump series."
"Um, I don't like that idea," Kid Enthusiastic said.
"What's with the lack of enthusiasm, Kid Enthusiastic?" Deja Dude asked.
"Andrew Perron is _my_ writer. I'm his WC."
"Exactly," Deja Dude said, "so you'd be a shoe-in for favorite LNHer."
Deja Dude thought for a moment. "Does Casey even have powers or is he
just your sidekick?"
"Did you hear what Manga Man said? It would be as though the author
never existed! That means _I_ would cease to exist!" Kid Enthusiastic
was now very enthusiastic about changing Deja Dude's mind
about this.
"True enough," Deja Dude said, "but then this entire cascade would also cease
to exist as well. I suppose Andrew could always repost his stories--"
"Enough!" Ultimate Ninja said. "I won't see anybody's stories
sacraficed for the sake of everybody else! There has to be another
way! If we have to, we'll just have to cancel the RACCies, or at least
delay them."
"Then we should find Pointless Awards Man II and tell him not to go on
with the awards ceremony," Doctor Stomper suggested.
"That might be a bit difficult," Deja Dude said. "Last time I saw
Pointless Awards Man, he had had his head removed. He was quite dead."
"Yes," somebody in the crowd of LNHers said, "but I got better!"
"It's Pointless Awards Man II!" Sister State-the-Obvious said.
"I hate when people do that," Ulimate Ninja said. "Always showing up
on cue. Always seems to happen in stories I appear in." He sighed.
"I need better writers."
---===#===---
Meanwhile, the Grapety Purple Man looked down at Mike's decapitated
body.
"This Looniearthling was no challenge! He fell too easily! I must
find the ones who I came here looking for! I must find the LNH!"
----
WHO is the Grapety Purple Man?
WHAT does he want with the LNH?
WHERE is this story going?
WHEN will the RACCies take place?
WILL Andrew win the award for best author and have all his stories erased?
WOULD Andrew be happy or majorly pissed?
WHY not stick around and find out?
Martin
PS: I prefer to think that this story is in continuity and the Cauliflower
story is out of continuity because the Cauliflower story is a self ontained
holiday story and this is a cascade that may go on for some time.
[6]
From: "Jamie Rosen" <jamie.rosen at sunlife.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Subject: Re: [LNH] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #5
Date: Tue, 1 Feb 2005 00:02:19 +0000 (UTC)
Organization: http://groups.google.com
Lines: 53
Just Imagine... Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #6
or
"Whoa"
"I need better writers," Ultimate Ninja said.
"You and me both, buddy," Pointless-Awards-Man II added. "First mine
frames me for locking Pointless-Awards-Man I in a closet, then he lets
me... she lets me... then my author lets me get killed by another
author without even a word of protest!"
"You were framed?" asked Sister State-the-Obvious.
"Yes. It wasn't me, it was the Unarmed Man."
The assembled LNHers blinked in unison, resulting in a loud, squishy
sound.
"Hello?" Mangaman said, spinning in the air, then freezing as his cape
blew in a wind no one else could feel. "We have a crisis to avert!"
"It's not such a big deal," said PAM II, unscrewing a bottle hidden in
a brown paper bag with one set of arms while gesturing with the second.
"All you have to do is ensure that no one wins the RACCies."
"But how do we do that? The nominations have already been sent, the
votes are soon to be cast."
"Then there is only one thing to do," Ultimate Ninja said stoically.
"We have to...
Destroy Saxon Brenton!"
Cue the music: Dah-duh-duh-duuuuuuuuh
***
Meanwhile...
The Grapety Purple Man paused in the alleyways of Net.ropolis. His ears
felt as though they were on fire -- almost as if they were burning --
almost as if someone were talking about him.
"I must find the LNH!" he reiterated from last issue. "They are the
only ones who can save me!"
WHO played that ominous music?
WHAT does the Unarmed Man have to do with things?
WHERE did Grapety Purple Man come from?
WHEN will they bring Pointless-Awards-Man I into the picture?
WHY does PAM II have it in for Saxon Brenton?
and sometimes
HOW will the LNH prevent the eradication of the best RACC has to offer?
[7]
From: Jesse Willey <cabbagewielder at yahoo.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Subject: [RACCies] Just Imagine... Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #7
Date: Tue, 1 Feb 2005 01:41:54 +0000 (UTC)
Lines: 51
Just Imagine... Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #7
By Alan P. Smithee
The Grapity Purple Man got on his megaphone.
"Saxon... wake up Saxon!"
"Whuh?" he said. "Do I have to go to school today Ma? I haven't
finished making my model of Walter Koenig out of toothpicks yet."
The Grapity Purple Man laughed and spoke a single word.
"Salamander!"
Saxon's eyes went blank he ran to a gym locker and
pulled out a spandex suit. Written across the chest
were the words `Pointless Awards Man III'. He put on
the suit, and hopped into a teleporter. He beamed
into LNH headquarters.
"Why must we kill Saxon?"said Ultimate Ninja
angrily waiving his one hand.
"Because.... I am... Mind Controlled..... Have Blackberry
in Hand.... Can't stop... typing..." he said.
Pointless Awards Man III turned all the LNHers,
minus PAM II into harmless flattened stick figures.
"We must fight now! Dramatic... convention... demands
it..." PAM III said.
Pointless Awards Man II and III drew samurai swords.
WHO will win the fight?
WILL the LNHers be turned back to normal?
WILL Pointless Awards Man III ever finish his model of
Walter Koenig made out of toothpicks?
[8]
From: Andrew Perron <pwerdna at outgun.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Subject: [LNH] [RACCies] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #8
Date: Tue, 1 Feb 2005 06:58:55 +0000 (UTC)
Organization: Mad Scientist Otaku Cabal
Lines: 114
"What the--" said Catalyst Lass confusedly.
Ultimate Ninja had had enough. "Turn the master of Western Culture's
Conception Of Ninjutsu into a stick figure, will you?" he shouted,
pulled out what looked like a long black line, and rushed at Pointless
Awards Man III (AKA the disguised, hypnotized Saxon Brenton). And
slid right past, passing directly through the dueling
presentation-hosts.
"Our two-dimensional nature is keeping us from affecting them," said
Doctor Stomper, represented by a stick figure holding a beaker of
bubbling fluid.
"Of course," muttered Ultimate Ninja, sheating his not-a-ninjato.
"Well then, doctor, can you tell us who, exactly, this new enemy is?"
"By his costume, I'd say he's Pointless Awards Man III. Who *that*
is, I couldn't say."
"I'll used my X-ray goggles to see his secret identity!" chirruped the
short stick figure once known as Kid Enthusiastic. He raised a pair
of circles to his eyes. "Oh my god!"
"What!?"
"It's... some guy I've never heard of!"
"Give me thaaaaat!" Ultimate Ninja snatched away the goggles, and
stared. "Hmmmm, a very detailed face... in fact..." He lowered the
goggles. "Doctor... what does that look like to you?"
Doctor Stomper looked. "It looks... why, that looks like someone from
the world of the Authors."
Ultimate Ninja nodded. If he had a face at this point, it would be
set in grim resolution. "Not just someone... Saxon Brenton."
A collective gasp arose from the assembled ranks of LNHers.
"But Authors can't enter this world except through the medium of
Writer Characters," said Deja Dude. "Pointless Awards Man III is
Saxon's WC?"
"Not quite," said Doctor Stomper. "In that case, he'd appear perfectly
normal to us. No, I belive he isn't *quite* Saxon Brenton, the
Author; rather, he is Saxon's dimensional duplicate from Real Life
Minus One."
"Of course! The Looniversal equivalent of Earth-Prime; a world
similar to the 'real' world, but accessible by fictional characters!"
"Exactly."
"But how did he get here?" asked Ultimate Ninja darkly. "Why is he
dressed as Pointless Awards Man III? Where did he get those powers?"
"I don't know," replied Doctor Stomper. "But what I do know is: If we
can't stop him... Pointless Awards Man II will die!"
"...again!"
---===#===---
Kid Antibacterial shuddered, as he watched the fate of his teammates
from the Monitor Room. They were in trouble... but what could he do?
Being the child of a cyborg clone of New Look Lass, a time-travelling
clone of Captain Cleanup, and a superevolved clone of Convoluted
Origin Man was pleasant enough, and having the ability to produce all
manner of dirt-fighting products out of thin air was nice... but he
didn't have the *power* to stop this villain! If only...
"Do you need power?" whispered a voice in his ear.
Kid Antibacterial leapt to his feet. "Who--"
"I can give you power." The voice was behind him.
"...what do you mean?"
"Power. Power to save your friends. Power to stop your enemies.
And I only need one thing..."
"..."
---===#===---
"Manga Man, can you use your powers on their highly stylized samurai
swords?"
"I've been trying for the last five minutes, but--"
"No need to worry!" And in screamed a ball of flame, that resolved
into a young boy with a flaming skull for a head, his body wreathed in
flames that emanated from his shoes.
"Kid Antibacterial? What--"
"Not anymore!" And he struck a pose. "I'm Firewire! And you..." he
pointed at Saxon/PAM III. "Are toast!"
---===#===---
The shoe devil cackled. His plans were coming to frutition...
---===#===---
HOW did the Grapety Purple Man steal Saxon from his world?
WHAT did the shoe devil ask for?
WHEN will we get back to that thing about the virus and the RACCies?
To be answered (maybe not) in the next issue of Just Imagine Saxon
Brenton's RACCies!
Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, excelsior!
[9]
From: phippsmartin at hotmail.com
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Subject: Re: [LNH] [RACCies] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #8
Date: Tue, 1 Feb 2005 08:16:16 +0000 (UTC)
Organization: http://groups.google.com
Lines: 99
[LNH/RACCies] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #9
Pointless Awards Man III was fighting Pointless Awards Man II... to the
death.
"Oh man," Deja Dude said. "This is just like when Kirk fought Spock.
Hmm. That gives me an idea. Hey! PAM II!"
"What?" PAM II asked.
In that moment of distraction, Pointless Awards Man III's samurai sword
passed into Pointless Awards Man II's chest.
With Pointless Awards Man II seemingly killed, Pointless Awards Man III
came back to his senses.
"Where am I?" he asked, removing his mask and revealing to all his
identity as Saxon Brenton. "What am I doing here?" He looked down on
the dying Pointless Awards man II. "What have I done?"
"He must have been under mind control!" Sister State-the-Obvious
reasoned.
With the battle having ended, the spell that had been placed on the LNH
rendering them into two dimensional stick figures had now been broken.
"Quick!" Doctor Stomper said. "Get Pointless Awards Man II onto one of
the beds!" Luckily the assembled LNH were already in the med bay, aving
brought Manga Man there between parts 4 and 5. This meant that, if they
acted quickly they had a good chance of saving Pointless Awards Man II.
"Murderer!" Firewire said to Saxon Brenton. "You shall die!"
"NO!" Nomex Man cried out as he stood between Firewire and Pointless
Awards Man III. Nomex Man, impervious to flame, was able to absorb the
blast that Firewire shot at Saxon Brenton. "No more death!"
"Saxon Brenton wasn't responsible for his actions!" Sister
State-the-Obvious insisted.
"Maybe not," Ultimate Ninja reasoned, "but somebody was. Perhaps the
same somebody who created the virus! Finally we have a lead!"
"Or perhaps whoever mind-controlled Saxon Brenton was trying to help
us," Deja Dude pointed out. "After all, how can the RACCies go ahead
with one awards guy, either one, having been arrested for the murder of
the other."
"Hmm," Ultimate Ninja said. "You're right. That does make sense. And
to think I had assumed that this was just a mindless fight scene."
"I can't believe what I'm hearing!" Kid Enthusiastic complained. "Are
you guys seriously suggesting that it is a good thing Pointless Awards
Man II is dead?"
"...again"
"Who keeps saying that?"
"He's not dead," Doctor Stomper informed everybody, having managed to
stop the bleeding and stablize him. "Not yet anyway. He's in critical
condition. It could go either way."
"And either way," Ultimate Ninja said, "he won't be able to host the
awards."
"That is so cold!"
Deja Dude sighed. "Kid Enthusiastic, meet Ultimate Ninja. Ultimate
Ninja, meet Kid Enthusiastic."
"We're supposed to be heroes!" Kid Enthusiastic complained. "I know
Ultimate Ninja is supposed to be cold but we're also supposed to be the
good guys! We don't celebrate when one of our fellow heroes gets killed!"
"Well, okay, fair enough," Deja Dude conceded.
"I'm not celebrating!" Ultimate Ninja insisted. "I'm just saying that,
as Deja Dude himself just pointed out, having Pointless Awards Man II
out of the picture does solve the immediate problem."
Kid Enthusiastic shook his head sadly.
"But don't worry," Ultimate Ninja said, "we shall track down whoever
was responsible for taking control of Saxon Brenton and bring him to
justice!"
"There's no need to track me down!" the Grapety Purple Man said as he
arrived at the scene (right on cue). "I am already here!"
WHO is ultimately behind all this?
WHY did he create the RACCie virus?
WHERE did the Grapety Purple Man come from
WHAT did he hope to accomplish by mind controlling Saxon Brenton?
WILL Firewire calm down before he kills somebody?
WHEN will somebody post the next chapter?
Martin
[10]
From: "Jamie Rosen" <jamie.rosen at sunlife.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Subject: Re: [LNH] [RACCies] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #8
Date: Tue, 1 Feb 2005 16:41:47 +0000 (UTC)
Organization: http://groups.google.com
Lines: 61
Just Imagine... Saxon Brenton's RACCies #10
"The Grapety Purple Man!" exclaimed Boysenstrawblue Alan Berry, the
Fastingest Man Alive. "My archnemesis!"
"Bwa ha ha ha ha." Laughed the Grapety Purple Man. "Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha
ha. Ha." He paused. "Where was I? Oh, yes.
"Yes, it is I! The Grapety Purple Man, archnemesis of Boysenstrawblue
Alan Berry!"
The assembled LNHers gasped in horror at the redundancy.
"Die!" Firewire shouted, flaming the grapety purple man known as the
Grapety Purple Man. The flames enveloped his grapety purple body, but
left him unharmed.
"Ha! Ha ha!" laughed the Grapety Purple Man. "Your flames enveloped my
grapety purple body, but left me unharmed."
"Who is this?" asked Deja Dude. "Boy Redundancy Lad?"
"No! I am the Grapety --"
"Purple Man. Yes, we know."
The Grapety Purple Man frowned. "Fine, then." He turned to Saxon
Brenton. "Saxon," he said, "Salaman-urk!"
Saxon Blinked. That wasn't one of the mysterious posthypnotic command
words.
Grapety Purple Man looked down at his chest, where there was a katana
blade where there hadn't been moments ago. "No fair," he said weakly.
"I was posturing."
Ultimate Ninja pulled his sword from the villain's body with a
flourish. "Not anymore."
Grapety purple juice leaked out of the Grapety Purple Man's grapety
purple sternum. "No... matter...." he gasped. "For while... I may
die... my legacy... shall live on..."
As he spoke, three of the walls to the medical lab trembled, while the
fourth wall burst inward and a giant, jug-shaped humanoid leapt
through. From everywhere and nowhere all at once, invisible children
exclaimed:
"Yay Kool-Aid!"
WHO is (was?) the Grapety Purple Man?
WHAT will happen when the LNHers realize they still have to worry about PAM I?
WHERE did he go, anyway?
WHEN will we learn?
WHY is Firewire the only person offered a deal by the shoe demon so far?
HOW did Kool-Aid Man get involved in this?
All this and less in the next issue of: Just Imagine... Saxon Brenton's
RACCies!
[11]
From: saxon.brenton at uts.edu.au (Saxon Brenton)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Subject: [LNH/RACCies] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies #11
Date: Wed, 2 Feb 2005 06:09:53 +0000 (UTC)
Organization: http://groups.google.com
Lines: 139
[LNH/RACCies] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies #11
Manga Man wandered over to a vending machine and got himself a cup of
coffee.
In it's rather scattershot way, the Legion's total inability to focus
on the problem at hand was paradoxically reassuring. He had seen
things like this before - with the heroes haring off in hundred
different directions at once, trying to solve a multitude of problems
simultaneously. They would, inevitably, overcome them all, just in
time to get their act together for the big climactic fight scene
against the main bad guy.
He smiled. He'd had a number of his own villainous schemes thwarted
in just that manner. Ah, great days, great days.
Still, it was mildly irritating that Tsar Chasm could waltz in during
the _Birth Of A Villain_ cascade and wrest for himself the leadership
of a group of Legionnaires for battle against Melissa and the Church
of the Fourth Wall, while he, Manga Man, could not. He made a mental
note to remember that as a slight against himself, so that he could
work it in as a revenge motive the next time he came into direct
conflict against the Legion. Then he took a sip of his coffee and
walked off towards the computer room. He might as well use the spare
time to start having the archive affecting virus examined while the
LNH entertained themselves with the Grapety Purple Man, and maybe
install a few backdoor programs to compromise their computer security
while he was at it.
When Manga Man arrived at the LNH-HQ computer room, it flickered
briefly as it reacted to his presence and reconfigured itself into a
more manga/anime design sensibility. No longer was it a large computing
centre with impressive equipment and a few chocolate wrappers where
Renegade Programmer had dropped them. Now it was an absolutely gi-normous
omputer centre, several stories tall, with all sorts of funky looking
computer equipment and consols and unidentifiable techy looking stuff,
which included huge metallic conduits of vaguely disturbing organic shape
that flowed down from the walls to connect to the consols. Numerous
holographic displays floated in mid-air (some at levels and angels that
made them essentially impossible to read from ground levels, but there
you go). It looked pretty neat.
The change briefly startled wReamhack and the aforementioned Renegade
Programmer. "Wha?"
"Say, nice place you have here," said Manga Man.
"Manga Man! What are you doing here!?"
"Delivering a warning to the LNH about a virus that's set to wipe
out... Oh look, the explanation will be on the security camera tapes.
Here," he said, and hit a button a random, which by pure plot
contrivance immediately brought up a replay of his conversation with
the other Legionnaires from #5.
"Okay," said wReamhack. "So what are you doing *here*?"
"The others are fighting with the Grapety Purple Man," Manga Man said,
punching another random button and bringing up the camera view of what
was currently going on - which was the defeat of the Grapety Purple
Man and the arrival of the Kool-Aid Man. "Hmf. Well, if it's not one
thing it's another," he muttered. "But to get back to your question,
I thought I'd appraise the LNH's computer experts of the virus problem
and let you get to work on it."
"Then I guess we'd better start," said Renegade Programmer. "The
ballot was just posted, so we've got just under a month to sort this out."
"A month?" said Manga Man. "Oh, of course. Real Life time."
Depending on how fast the posting rate for stories in the cascade
were, the amount of time that they, personally, actually had could be
considerably less.
Renegade Programmer set to work right away, leaning over his keyboard
and beginning a search and diagnostic for the virus. wReamhack, who
had a slightly better developed sense of paranoia, looked at Manga Man
and asked, "So you think we'll find a cure while the others are busy?"
"Immediately? No," replied Manga Man. "Well, not unless this story is
being set up for an ironic, post-modern ending. More likely -
certainly more preferably - several different attempts to deal with
the problem will all produce results and come together at the same
time for a dramatic ending."
"So why haven't you got your people working on it?"
"I haven't got the resources available at the moment."
"Hah?"
"No, it's true," said Manga Man. "After Panta wrested my Otaku Empire
away from me [in _Tales Of The LNH_ #358 - Footnote Girl] I've been
having to build up my organisation from scratch. I just don't have
any tech support among my Legions of Terror available just at the moment."
Which was true... as far as it went. Manga Man currently *did* have a
smaller organisation than he had possessed before - but not by much.
The REAL reason that he didn't have the resources available was
because they were pretty much all tied up in his attempts to ferment
chaos in other fanfiction newsgroups as part of a power grab attempt
[as revealed in _Cauliflower The Christmas Miracle Pooch_ #4 -
Footnote Girl]. And bluntly, Manga Man wanted to keep these two
projects absolutely separate. If they became entangled, the
inevitably the LNH would take down his own project as part of the
mopping up operation to this virus problem. So, no siphoning off even
a tiny number of minions to help out with the virus problem; too much
risk of the LNH finding out about it. And besides, if he couldn't
manipulate the LNH by himself while his loyal minions did their
assigned tasks, well, what sort of an evil mastermind was he?
Manga Man smiled beatifically. He liked the irony. Assisting the
Legion of Net.Heroes on one endeavour as a way of distracting them
from his own villainous scheme.
wReamhack's eyes narrowed when he saw that smile. "What are you
grinning at?"
"I just realised that we've missed something. All of us, you Legion
mega-brains included," Manga Man said smoothly. "How did the Grapety
Purple Man get into Real Life -1 to mind control that dimension's
counterpart of Saxon Brenton? I think I'd better go and investigate
that." And with a swirl of his cape he turned and left.
==========
So gentlepersons, will that be an adequate explanation top cover Manga
Man's two 'appearances'? I realise that Ultimate Ninja said in
_Cauliflower_ #4 that he'd dispatched some teams to investigate the
events in the other newsgroups, but perhaps they simply haven't
reported back yet. I haven't got much of an idea of why Manga Man was
bored at the start of _Just Imagine..._ except that perhaps that
fermenting chaos is just so *routine* these days?
---
Saxon Brenton Uni of Technology, city library, Sydney Australia
saxon.brenton at uts.edu.au
[12]
From: phippsmartin at hotmail.com
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Subject: Re: [LNH/RACCies] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies #11
Date: Wed, 2 Feb 2005 10:33:25 +0000 (UTC)
Organization: http://groups.google.com
Lines: 99
[LNH/RACCies] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies #12
One week later.
"What's he doing here?" Sidewinder asked Ultimate Ninja.
"It's quite simple," Ultimate Ninja explained. "We can't allow the
Kool-Aid Man to go around causing property damage like that."
"But he's a _villain_."
"He's a lawyer," Ultimate Ninja said, "and a good one. If we hadn't
hired him then the Kool-Aid company would have hired him. Then we'd
have to take our chances with a different lawyer."
"So it doesn't matter to you that he has represented net.villains in
the past?"
Ultimate Ninja shrugged his shoulders. "We have to give the man
credit. He's represented people in the past who were obviously guilty
but he managed to get them off. He's a good lawyer."
"He is _evil_."
"He was just doing his job."
Sidewinder shook his head. "I don't know, Ninj. I never saw you as a
sellout."
Meanwhile, the Legion's financiers, Irony Man and Elvis Man, discussed
the case with Leroy Laurel, aka Lethal Lawyer.
==========
At that same time, in the Monitor Room.
"Hey, wReamHack, Renegade Programmer, how are things coming a long?"
Deja Dude asked.
"Not bad," wReamHack explained. "All the major anti-virus software
companies have been contacted and are aware of this new virus and are
including a fix for the virus in the current versions of their
programs. They're also sending out updates to people who have already
purchased their software."
"Unfortunately," Renegade Programmer said sadly, "not everybody uses
anti-virus software and those who do still need to keep it updated to
counter threats like these. And those who have updated software have
to remember to scan their computers regularly to remove the vruses."
"Yeah," wReamHack said, "but the biggest threat was to eyrie.org. As
long as Eagle keeps his computers virus free then the eyrie archives
will be safe. I don't know about google.com. All we can do is wait
and see what happens when the RACCies results come back."
"I guess we kinda panicked a bit," Deja Dude said, sheepishly.
"Not necessarily," Renegade Programmer said. "Viruses are a real
threat. The only way to be absolutely safe from them is to not connect
to the internet. Unfortunately, the internet is the main reason why
people choose to have computers in the first place."
Deja Dude nodded. "Yeah, well, as long as the Legion can continue in
some form or another then we won't need to worry."
==========
Later, that evening, in the room belonging to Firewire, formally
Anti-septic Lad...
"I have returned!"
"Who are you?" Firewire asked.
"I am the Shoe Devil!" the Shoe Devil told him. "Remember? I granted
you your powers in exchange for your services!"
"What do you want?"
"I want you to help me!"
"Do what?"
"You shall help me to take from the members of the LNH all their
soles!"
"You're mad!"
"Today the LNH! Tomorrow the world!"
==========
HOW does the Shoe Devil plan to take everybody's soles?
WHY does he want them? Is this some kind of foot fetish? Ew!
WILL Firewire agree to help the Shoe Devil?
WHEN will the case of the LNH vs. Kool Aid man go to trial?
WHAT wil be the outcome?
Martin
[14]
From: "Jamie Rosen" <jamie.rosen at sunlife.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Subject: Re: [LNH/RACCies] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies #11
Date: Wed, 2 Feb 2005 16:42:51 +0000 (UTC)
Organization: http://groups.google.com
Lines: 97
Just Imagine... Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #14
"Hey," said anonymous RACC reader #3. "What happened to #13?"
"It's bad luck," said anonymous RACC reader #2.
"Hey guys," interrupted anonymous RACC reader #4, "what'd I miss?"
****
"I -- I can't betray the LNH!" Firewire said.
"You have no choice," intoned the Shoe Devil. "For you have already
signed the contract, and right here in section a, paragraph 3,
subsection delta, it says, and I quote: 'The undersigned does hereby
agree to betray the Legion of Net.Heroes.'"
"Nooooooooooooo!"
"Yes." And with that, the Shoe Devil vanished in a puff of shoe polish.
"Um, do you want to tell me how I'm supposed to betray the LNH?"
Firewire asked.
"I'll tell you later."
****
"What do you want?"
"I want to help you," said the Shoe Devil.
"What do you mean?"
"Aren't you tired of being overlooked?" the Shoe Devil asked. "Tired
of being forgotten about, of being ignored, of never getting credit for
your dialogue?"
"I -- I don't know what you're talking about!"
"Oh, I think you do. I think you do. And I can make it all better."
"H-how?"
"It's very easy. And all I need from you is one tiny, little thing.
Something you'll never even miss."
"I -- I.... fine."
"An excellent choice." The Shoe Devil gestured broadly. "Goodbye,
Never-Gets-Credit-for-His-Dialogue Lad. Hello, Bluetooth!
****
Back on Real Life -1, Saxon Brenton scratched his head in puzzlement.
Had it all been a dream? The Grapety Purple Man -- the transformation into
Pointless Awards Man III -- the attempted murder -- had it all been induced
by that shrimp and crocodile pizza he'd had just after midnight?
And if so... why did his shoes have no soles?
****
Pointless Awards Man II grimaced with every breath. He was alive, which
was good. But he'd been run through by a sword -- which was bad. Still,
he was up on his feet again, which was better than being dead. And he
was able to use the phone -- which he was doing right now.
"So then you'll do it?" he asked mysteriously.
"Well, it *is* highly unethical," answered the voice on the other end.
"And possibly illegal, but I can work around that. Yes, I'll do it."
"Excellent," PAM II said. "Sacrifice me for the greater good, will
they? We'll see about that! Little do those fools know, that the very
man they are counting on to save them -- shall be their undoing!"
On the other end of the phone, the Lethal Lawyer started the clock.
"You know this is going to cost you."
==============
WHO took Saxon Brenton's soles?
WHAT are Bluetooth's powers?
WHERE will the Shoe Devil strike next?
WHEN will the Lethal Lawyer be caught playing both sides?
WHY would I bring in a character mentioned only in a comment on a post
in another cascade?
and
HOW will the LNH defend themselves against accusations that the
intentionally risked the life of an innocent man when apparently all they
had to do was get the anti-virus companies to recognize this new virus?
Er, that last one may be a little long.
[15]
From: Andrew Perron <pwerdna at outgun.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Subject: [LNH] [RACCIES] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #15
Date: Wed, 2 Feb 2005 22:34:45 +0000 (UTC)
Organization: Mad Scientist Otaku Cabal
Lines: 90
Manga Man sailed through the net.aether between the newsgroups. His
mind whirred, trying to answer the mysteries that had sprung up. Who had
created the RACCies virus? How did the Grapety Purple Man steal Saxon from
Real Life -1? Why was his plot-device-sense tingling? He sighed. Maybe
some time in rec.arts.anime.mahou-sensei-einstein.creative would relax him.
...or maybe not. He stared at the whipping wall of flame that divided
the newsgroup down the middle. What was this?
He landed. Everywhere, there were people arguing. He wandered,
narrowly dodging a comical ball of dust with fists and feet flying
about, and came to the fanfic theater. Only two had been posted in
the last two weeks - each featuring one author's avatar killing the
other's. Manga Man shook his head. How had this utter chaos come about?
He took off and flew around the newsgroup, encased in a glowing yellow
aura. Hmm. Magical duel, orbital laser cannon, the Einsteintron,
someone else glowing, flying, and coming straight at--
*POW*
Manga Man thudded into the ground. Ow.
Slowly, he pulled himself out of the crater. What the hfil was-- "You!"
The person in the other crater rose up. "Yes, it is I - Manga Man!"
He landed in front of our protagonist. "And who, I might ask, are you?"
---===#===---
"Hey, wReamhack!"
The Admin of Audacity turned. "Oh, hi there... um, Firewire, right?"
"Indeed," said the Demon On Treads. "How's the fight against the virus
going?"
"Eh, we've got it all sewn up," said wReamhack. "Just a matter of
getting people to update their virus definitions."
"Ah, good. And everyone's doing that?"
"Yeah, except for a few lazy holdouts."
"Cool. Oh, and wReamhack?"
"Yeah?"
"Sorry." Firewire gestured, and sparks shot out of the console,
flooding wReamhack's body with electricity for just a moment. He
slumped over, unconcious.
Firewire sighed. "Okay, it's all clear..."
"Excellent," cackled the Shoe Devil as he and Bluetooth appeared out
of the air. "Now, to use the LNH's technology and your demonic
networking powers to create a wide-area network directly into the
minds of the people of Net.ropolis!"
---===#===---
Within the conduits of the .netnet, a formless being plotted. The
machinations of the Shoe Devil would be the perfect trigger for Stage
Two of the RACCies virus - and the "update" that was even now taking
hold in computers all over the world would leave them wide open for it.
Dark laughter echoed through the modemed halls.
---===#===---
WHY are there two Manga Men?
WHEN is there going to be an update for the Grapety Purple Man/Saxon
Brenton plot?
WHO is the cybernetic mastermind behind the RACCies virus?
WHAT is with all these retcons?
Find out, in the next issue of... Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies!
(As for the two Manga Men - I noticed a discrepancy between the
"law-abiding buisnessman" Manga Man from the beginning of the thread
and the "still a supervillain" Manga Man from later on. This is a bit
of a fix on that.)
Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, let's see where it goes!
---
Saxon Brenton Uni of Technology, city library, Sydney Australia
saxon.brenton at uts.edu.au saxonbrenton at hotmail.com
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"There will always be an LNH. Period. Even if all the current writers
disappear in a poof of light, some wandering group of weirdos will come
and look over the remnants of RACC, see what the LNH was, and rebuild
it all over again. In the comic book world, the LNH is a state of mind
that has been given a name: Comic book parody."
- Chad Imbrogno, rec.arts.comics.creative, 1997
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