LNH: LNH Comics Presents #91: INFINITE LEADERSHIP CRISIS Episode 56

[Lalo Martins]

Who Cares Studio not-so-proudly presents

                       LNH COMICS PRESENTS #91

                      INFINITE LEADERSHIP CRISIS

                              episode 56

                       No More Quelonely Nights

A ship somewhere in the Sea of China.  April 56th, 2007, early night.

"Are you sure?  No typhoons, storms, earthquakes, sea serpents?"

"You, sir, are a very odd person."

Said "odd person" was a short guy, who looked either Latino or
Middle-eastern depending on whom you ask.  He wore gray trousers that seem
to have been part of a three-piece suit, a Chinese-looking orange shirt,
boots that, except for being black with bright white lining, seemed to be
part of a space suit, a black trenchcoat, and sunglasses.

He looked at the Chinese captain dismissively.  "Yeah, yeah.  It's just...
I was passing by, and thought I could stop by Deja Dude's for a tea.  But
this sea seems so big and calm and beautiful."

"You talk like that's a bad thing."

"Er.  Are you sure you are originally from the Looniverse, and not some
dimensional traveler?  Of course, that means something catastrophic is
going to happen.  Specially if I'm aboard!"

"Well, sir.  I don't know about you.  If you're so unlucky, maybe you
should be more careful about taking commercial transportation and putting
other people in risk.  As for me, I have been running this line for years,
and this sea is ALWAYS this... what was that again? Big, calm and
beautiful."

"And no typhoons, storms, earthquakes, sea serpents?"

"Well.  Erm.  We do get a lot of all of those."

"See?"

The captain scratched his head.  "But not all the time."

"Well.  Maybe I'm worrying too much.  I mean, if this happens a lot, then
of course it wouldn't happen when I'm here, right?  That would be just...
well, not weird enough."

"Maybe.  Maybe nothing will happen, and we'll just have a quiet trip. We
should be in Taiwan in another hour or two."

"Yeah.  Just a quiet trip.  I mean... I don't mind the weirdness, it's
pretty much my turf.  But this month is being just way too exhausting.  I
don't know you, but I like my months with 31 days or less..."

"I'm inclined to agree, yes."

"Gods, I hate when someone messes with time."

And to that cue, a hole opens in the air right in front of them, spitting
what seems to be five children, although for some reason it's hard to make
out precise details.  To Weirdness Magnet's relief, none of them wear
spandex, battle armor, full-body black leather suits, or military
uniforms; although one of them is using a trenchcoat, which is never good
news.  He thinks that while he quickly runs to the nearest seats, picking
up a few life vests.  Not too long after the new arrivals hit the water,
he's throwing life vests at them, while the captain goes look for a rope.

Of course, that should be the least of their worries; a ferry boat sails
way too fast for someone who's busy trying not to drown to be rescued. 
However, Weirdness Magnet's powers kicked in on time; when the boat
"trampled" the hole in reality, it turned the engines into six different
kinds of cheese, and since most Chinese don't know the first thing about
cheese, the boat would probably not go anywhere soon.

The kids were pulled aboard.  The one in a trenchcoat -- hard to tell if
that was a boy or a girl, and the green hair didn't exactly win the
sympathy of either Weirdness Magnet or the captain -- actually climbed his
own rope, made of algae that spontaneously jumped from the water and
reached the boat's side.  The youngest member, a girl who seemed to be
about six, was hanging from the trenchcoated person's neck.

The other three, climbing in the "normal" rope, all seemed to be in their
mid-teens.  A boy dressed in classic goth, which didn't look too good now,
with the whole setup all drenched; but the makeup wasn't running, so maybe
he was actually that white, with black markings around the eyes.  He was
staring at Weirdness Magnet intently, as if he was personally responsible
for their current predicament.  The other boy wore nondescript slacks and
t-shirt, and seemed to be looking around, taking it all in.  The last one
was a very beautiful Asian girl, dark-purple spiked hair, long boots,
short skirt, tank top, and entirely dry, except for where she touched her
friends. .o(So, if she's not waterproof, either she has the entirely silly
power of getting dry, or more likely, she's some sort of shapeshifter),
reasoned Weirdness Magnet silently.

The sixth member of the group was incorporeal.  The paragon of strange
chance decided to allow the kids to believe he hadn't noticed.

"So... where do we begin?  You ask me where and what year, or I ask who
the frak are you?"

"We're the...", started the trenchcoated teen.

"We have no idea", interrupted the goth.

"We don't?", asked the Asian girl, seeming uncertain.

Weirdness Magnet looked at them wearily.  "If you're going to claim
amnesia, you should at least get your story right with your friends
first."  He looked around for support; there was none.  The captain had
wisely abandoned the situation in the hands of what he believed was a
seasoned Net.Hero (hah!), and went downstairs to see the cheese.

"Oh, no, not amnesia.  We know perfectly well who we were.  It's just,
well, not relevant anymore.  It's pointless."

"It's never pointless, Blackbird", said the trenchcoated.  "We never quite
fit anywhere before, have we?  And yet we made our own life.  We had our
school because we were too strange even for the--" under a strong stare,
whatever was going to be said then got replaced with "the other kids.  We
can build our own lives again."

"No no, you're right.  For once, I'm not being pessimistic.  I'm just
saying, who we were doesn't matter at all now.  The best way to start here
is to throw it all in the rubbish bin, and start over."

"Excuse me", said Weirdness Magnet.  "I can't believe I'm old enough to
say this, but... aren't your parents going to get worried, or something?"

"That's exactly the point.  We don't want them to.  And the best way to
avoid that is make sure they don't know we exist, and if we meet them,
they never know who we are."

"That makes no sense", said the champion of the bizarre, sitting casually.
 He didn't say it as if that was shocking; his life basically consisted in
dealing with what made no sense.  For him, that only meant he either
didn't have all the information yet, or wasn't tilting his mind in the
right angle; in his experience, all stories made some kind of strange
sense, once you had sufficient information.

"The thing is.  Most of our parents are about our ages, or slightly older.
 We come from an alternate future, sent back by a self-righteous @$*&%#
who wanted us to change history."

"Er... if it's an alternate future..."

"Yeah, I know.  I guess his point was, by sending us here, we could make a
difference and keep this timeline from going in the same direction.  For
some reason, this timeline seems to be more important than ours."

"He just forgot to ask if we care", said the little girl, who until now
was busy getting her clothes slightly less drenched.  "Except for
Blackbore.  He cares.  Feh."

"Sister?", asked the master of oddness.

"Cousin."

"He sent us to the wrong year, too", said the other boy.  "Judging by the
fashion, weather, slang, and the state of this boat, I'd say it's about
mid-2007.  China, right?"

"That's right.  Not where you were supposed to land?"

"A few years off."

"Well, there's something funny going on with time.  I guess that could
have pulled you out of your vortex, or something."

"What kind of funny?"

"Oh, funny as in 'my food smells funny', not funny 'ha ha'.  It's been
April for 56 days now."

"Anyway", continued Blackbird, "I don't know what we're going to do. The
only thing I'm sure is, we should keep away from Net.ropolis..."

And on that cue, an LNH Flight.Thingee appears in the horizon, flies
straight to them, and, hovering just beside the ferry, opens a door,
revealing Retcon Lad and Boy Redundant Lad.  "Hey Mags.  What's kicking"

"What the frak?"

"We were looking for you", explained Retcon Lad, "and then Multi-Tasking
man, between moves in the chess games he was having with me, wReamHack,
RoboStomper and Kid Kirby while making breakfast, told us about this
request for help from a ferry boat that had its engines turned to cheese. 
Since last we heard of you was in Beijing, I figured it was safe to bet
you'd be here."

"It was NOT MY FAULT!"

"Yeah right", said Boy Redundant Lad.  "With the way you eat cheese? Tell
you what, you install the engine we brought, and you can keep all the
cheese."

"Deal!  But what I was actually asking is -- why were you looking for me?"

"Oh, yeah, that!  It seems you are the LNH leader today."

"I **WHAT**?????"

                       =======================

About two hours later, in the LNHQ -- 11:00am

"All right, so how did that happen."

"Ultimate Ninja left on vacation on the first.  Since then, for the whole
month, whoever we elect as leader disappears at midnight", said Kid Recap
in a tired voice.

"Brilliant.  And have you thought of, I don't know, NOT ELECTING people
anymore?"

"Master Blaster actually dissolved the LNH.  Didn't work."

"And who voted for me?  I haven't been here for years..."

"Actually, we're pulling names out of a hat."

"...and I'm not even a member!"

Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad gave wReamHack a nasty look.  "You're not?"

"Well.  I don't remember joining.  Unless there's time travel or amnesia
involved..."

"You're in my roster", wReamHack defended himself, "and I remember you
leading a Tsk.Force."

"In LNH: The Early Years 3", said Fourth Wall Lass.

"Me?  A Tsk.Force?  For what?"

"I quote, 'to apprehend citizens who break laws of social comformity',
according to the issue", she replied.

"See, that must have been an evil clone, alt.er.net.ive self, or a robot. 
If I even knew of such a Tsk.force, I'd be the first to sabotage it."

"I signed you off.  I'm quite sure it was you."

"Me too", said Bandwagon Chick.  "I was there."

He looked around helplessly.  Maybe some kind of plan to extract
information from Irony Man?  Or he just wanted to ride along on the excuse
and fight whoever it was the force was going to fight?  With all the time
travel in his life, it hardly seemed unlikely that it actually happened,
but he'd be much happier to know why.

"So, are you going to take the job or what?  It's almost lunchtime."

The lord of the unlikely hesitated.  In ordinary circumstances, he would,
certainly.  But if the LNH was in the middle of a crisis, that would be
cowardly.  He generally didn't care if anyone thought of him as a coward
-- except for himself; that was unacceptable.

"Nah.  If I'm in the roster, then whatever, I'll take it.  It will be
something to tell the kids, being LNH leader for a day."

"Er", said Cannon Fodder.  "Did you get the part about disappearing at
midnight?"

"Of course.  What else is knew?  I disappear all the time."

"So, leader... who are the kids?"

"Kids?"  He looked around.  "Oh.  OH.  THESE kids.  Er."  He looked from
Blackbird to some other teens in the room, who happened to be wearing
trenchcoats.  For some reason, he felt vaguely guilty.  "These are...
er... the New Misfits."

"New Misfits?  What's wrong with the old ones?"

He was at a loss for an explanation.  Thankfully, the other boy in the
team helped him out.  "Nothing.  They're great.  So great that the world
can certainly have two of them.  And they're here longer, so we get to be
the New ones."

Pretty much all faces in the room frowned at him.  He didn't seem to find
that a problem at all, and smiled.  "My name is Analytic, by the way. 
Nice to meet y'all."

"Analytic?", muttered Blackbird under his breath.

"You can call me Whatever", said the young girl.

"No no", said Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad.  "You need to have a Net.Hero
name."

"I know, silly.  That's my name.  Whatever, uppercase W."

"My friends call me Green", said the person in a trenchcoat.  "But I'm
thinking of using that as a proper name, and taking 'Tree-Hugging Kid' as
a codename."

New Look Lass made a face like she was going to throw up.

"I'm not changing my name.  I'm Blackbird."

All the eyes turned to the Asian girl.  She took half a minute to notice. 
"Who me?  I'm not even part of the team.  I have no idea who I am.  Please
just leave me alone."

"So", asked wReamHack, with his hands on the keyboard already, "are you
joining the LNH?"

"GOODNESS GRACIOUS GREAT BALLS OF FIRE, NO!", shouted Weirdness Magnet. 
"No, they're not.  They're just... visiting."

"What he said", said Blackbird, nonchalantly.  He was trying hard to keep
hating Weirdness Magnet, but in fact, this one never actually did anything
to them; besides, the two of them were too alike.

(The Weirdness Magnet from the LNH2 universe was the one who sent the kids
back to the past, in Acra.Flight #7 -- Footnote Girl)

"We could use more members."

"Well, I'm the leader and I say I don't want more members.  In fact, I'll
pass an edict that, until we discover what happened to our leaders, no new
members can join.  If the last member disappears, then that's it, this
whole thing ends."

"That's cold."

"No, seriously.  If we survive, then we come back and go on with our
lives.  If we don't, then someone else picks up the slack and calls
themselves something other than the LNH.  Maybe the New Misfits, who
cares."

"That's cold."

"I mean, if four-hundred-something legionnaires aren't enough to crack the
problem, then adding more people won't help.  It will be just more people
to disappear."

"That's cold."

"Will you shut up already?  You and you stupid hat elected me, and part of
the job for a leader of the LNH is to be cold.  Now, let's go have lunch,
I'm starving.

"Oh, and tomorrow, if I disappear today, there will be no leader out of
the hat.  I'm instituting a new system of substitute leadership. In the
absence of the titular leader -- which, I understand, is Ultimate Ninja --
we'll rule by Tsk.force.  The first five people to manifest interest in
any problem that needs to be solved, are a tsk.force, and they decide
whatever they need to decide by vote, including accepting more members. 
No leaders.  This policy takes effect the moment I disappear.  If someone
else disappears tomorrow, you can form a special tsk.force to rescind the
policy, if you want."

"Hmm", made the robo-Stomper.  "That's an interesting approach."

"Droll", the leader of the LNH muttered to himself.  "A 36-hour day in a
56-day month.  And if April had ended when it should, it would be my
birthday.  Why can't I have a 36-hour birthday?"

                       =======================

Weirdness Magnet was sitting in the leader's office, which by now looked
pretty much like an attic with all the various added decoration.  The desk
was covered with empty bottles of Mr. Paprika. On a separate desk he had
installed nearby, a furious game was being played by Analytic,
Multi-Tasking man, and the two secretaries.  As the game progressed, the
pile of pending paperwork was being greatly reduced.  In another hour, the
pile would be gone.  He was quite curious to see who would be the big
winner.  Despite having invented the game, he was biologically unable to
follow the complex scoring system -- it was something created specifically
to entice those four.

Whatever walked in with another six-pack of Mr. Paprika.

"Do you really have to drink that much soda?  Mom used to say it's bad for
you."

"Mary, in a normal day, I drink about twice as much caffeine as the
average geek.  But now, I've been awake for 30 hours, still have another
10 ahead of me, and I have to be awake and on my toes, just in case
something happens.  So, thank you, but I'll keep drinking.  I'd worry
about drying up the LNH's stocks, but it's pretty large, thanks to
Multi-Tasking Man, Captain Caffeine, and a few others..."

"So", asked Multi-Tasking Man, "what happened to the helmet?"

"Ditched it.  Too hard to get past customs."

"And now you're going for the trenchcoat look."

"Looks good on me when there's wind."

"You know.  One day, we were all busy with our cheesecakes, and suddenly
Minority Miss and New Look Lass entered, after over an year of absence,
took a cheesecake each, and had their dinner, as if nothing had happened. 
Some of us tried to find out, but they won't tell... I mean, I assume they
told Ultimate Ninja, but he's not talking, obviously."

"They never said anything about it?"

"We have independently discovered that you brought her back from a world
that claimed to be 'Real World', or the world of the authors. So I was
thinking, maybe you wouldn't mind sharing."

"Oh well."  The nexus of the improbable emptied half a Dr. Paprika. "Now
that's a man's soda!  Yeah, I can understand why they wouldn't talk.  A
realistic world, real or not, can be rather depressing for a Looniverse
native... specially for a whole year.  She saw the death of who she
thought was our author, and lost all hope of coming back.  And as for
NLL... I suspect she was ashamed of how well she adapted."

"So what *did* happen?", asked Analytic.

"Well, it wasn't 'Real World' at all.  Not even close.  It was just
another Alt.er.net.ive reality in our own multiverse, one where the first
Net.Heroes were about to manifest.  But it was a supposedly more
'realistic' and serious universe.  As I finally got there, there had been
a few isolated sightings of people with superpowers already, and there was
this cult out to eliminate them.  I never quite asked why."

"And you fought them?", inquired Whatever.

"Good golly miss Molly, no.  We tried to keep a low profile as I worked on
the way back.  Then, the leader of the cult decided to fight fire with
fire, and wear spandex himself.  He went to the place with the most
heroes; not a city, but a newly built hi-tech development between New York
and Boston, called Netropolis.  Calling himself Doctor Killfile, he
challenged any and all heroes to fight him.  In response, some of them
founded an organization they called the Ultimate Legion.  And then we got
the hell out of there."

"You RAN AWAY?  You'd think you would go and help!"

"Are you kidding?  Do you know the phrase 'Ryleh shtk neth heeroo', in the
language of Arkham, means 'please mister Elder God can you eat my eyes
now'?  We wanted no part of it.  In fact, I'm not at all surprised the
girls couldn't talk about it, now that I have described it out loud."

                       =======================

Circa 9pm, a cliff just outside Net.ropolis.

"This is really cool", said Coward Lad, chewing on popcorn.

"Yeah", nodded the LNH leader.

"Why doesn't it happen more often?", CL asked with a grin.

"Absolutely", said Bandwagon Chick.

"Blackbird, can you get us more popcorn from the Flight.thingee?",
requested Weirdness Magnet.

"I'm not your bellboy, mate."

"Yeah, but we're all sitting and watching, while you can't seem to keep
still for a whole minute.  So why not get the popcorn?"

"Feh.  I guess."

In the fields below them, a Dvorakian invading force was fighting a pack
of Turtles of Apocalyptic Proportions.

"I guess", offered Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad, "if it did, it would put
us out of a job."

"Naaaaah", made Weirdness Magnet, in his best Tenth Doctor impersonation. 
"We did safely remove all innocent bystanders, didn't we?  And some of us
are using our powers to keep the fight from moving out of that field."

"Say", shyly said aLLiterative Lass, "I see some soldiers seem so
sleepy... some secret soothing system shot by someone in the saurian
side?"

"Well, they *have* been at it for more than four hours."

"Maybe it's time we ended it?"

"I'd say we had enough", said Fourth Wall Lass.  "Nobody can say there
wasn't a big fight scene in this issue."

"Leave it to me.  I'm feeling *VERY* powerful today", said Blackbird. (His
powers are fueled by his anger and depression -- Footnote Girl)

As the teenage boy extended his arms, tendrils of shadow flowed from his
body, slithering trough the ground like worms or snakes.  The darkness
carefully avoided the LNH, then cascaded down the cliff, until it filled
most of the valley.

The LNHers could hear the moans and groans of thousands of Dvorakian
soldiers losing purpose, motivation and morale.  Blackbird seemed to be
holding a huge weight, his face and hair all sweaty.

"Blackbird", said Weirdness Magnet with a worried voice.  "Don't
over-exert yourself.  If it's too much..."

"It's not too much", said the teen between teeth.  "What's hard is holding
the shadows back, so that nobody commits suicide.  I'm not a casual
killer."

Everybody discreetly moved a few inches away from him.

Finally, the shadows dissipated.  In the valley, the last aliens were
boarding the last ships, while the first ones were already taking off. 
The turtles were moving around bovinely (or should I say quelonely?),
looking at each other with little interest.

"Now what do we do with the turtles?", asked PPOOHL.

"Are these humans too?", asked their leader. (He means, like the ones in
LNH Comics Presents #46/Infinite Leadership Crisis part 11 -- Footnote
Girl)

"No", said Coward Lad.  Some villain the guys defeated last week, gave a
normal turtle the power to grow to this size, then cloned it a few hundred
times.  We thought we had captured all the turtles, but obviously we
missed a few dozen."

"How do you know those are the same turtles?"

"Oh, his secret hideout was over there.  Also, all those turtles down
there have his signature on their shells."

"What do you know, they do!"

"I say we feed the hungry", said Bandwagon Chick, still under effect from
the Special Bonding Boy and Adamant Authority on Everything days.  "Those
are certainly not endangered species; they're clones, and we certainly
don't want them breeding in the wild.  But the lot of them can probably
feed all the homeless in the city for a week at least."

"Not bad.  Make it so.  But that will be tomorrow... maybe you should
think about putting together the Feed the Hungry With Giant Turtles
Tsk.Force already."

"Sure."  That was an odd feeling.  As far as she could remember, that was
the first time in her life she started a group.  Or a project.

"For now, we need to find someone to watch them overnight..."

"I'll stay here", said Blackbird, "with the a... er, New Misfits. We'd
much rather not spend the night in the HQ."

"Will you be safe?"

"We're good campers, all of us.  Green, Analytic, Teacher, and Mary's mom
were big fans, so we'd do it almost every month.  Don't worry."

The leader seemed uncomfortable, but at the same time, he also wanted the
kids as far from the LNH as possible.  Too bad that they spent the day in
the HQ, and everybody had a chance to learn a little about them.  He hoped
that nobody managed to convince them to join, while he was gone.  Assuming
he'd ever come back, of course.

"All right.  The rest of us, we'll have a party.  Hat, please phone in and
tell them to start preparing."

"A PARTY?", PPOOHL asked in disbelief.  "Do you really think it's
appropriate?"

"I think Blackbird just demonstrated it is.  It's been a rather depressing
56 days for the Legion, with rare exceptions.  We need to keep morale."

"I don't think it's technically your birthday", observed Fourth Wall Lass.

"Maybe, maybe not.  I don't care, it's not a birthday party.  It's a
wake."

                       =======================

LNHHQ, circa 10pm.  The party.

The whole mess hall was well decorated, with keepsakes of all the missing
leaders, and statues of all the dead members.  The HQ itself had
cooperated, growing the mess hall a lot bigger than usual.  Many retired
heroes had come for the party, and even some reformed villains.

WannaBe Girl, still looking like an Asian teen, was walking around the
statues of the fallen.

"I thought you kids would be out of town?", asked Anal-Retentive Archive
Kid.

"As I said before lunch, I'm not one of them.  We traveled together... but
we don't get along so well."

"I see.  So are you joining the LNH instead?"

"Not sure.  Thinking about it.  As I also said, I don't really know who I
am, or who I want to be.  It all seems rather pointless."

"I know the feeling.  It's called adolescence."

"Well maybe.  I'm 19, so I should be going out of it.  I think it's
aggravated by my powers."

"Really?  What are they?"

"You're the archive kid, right?  Mind telling me who those are?"

"Sure.  But you're not avoiding the subject indefinitely.  This was
4-Color Kid, he gave his life to save the universe 15 years ago."

"You don't look old enough to remember that!"

He shrugged.  "Sliding time, lazy author, whatever.  If you ask other
members, they will tell you that was anywhere from 10 years to a few
months.  Time is not very straightforward in the Looniverse, and it's even
worse in the Legion."

She touched her hand to 4-Color Kid's statue, and became him.

"He was... nice.  A true hero."

"Oh damn.  Can you not do that?  It's creepy."

"Well, that's the answer to your question.  I become other people, that's
what I do."

"I see.  But there must be a core identity there, no?  Something that
remains in common between changes?"

"Very little.  You see, I developed this power before I could speak. Come
to think of it, I think I used it to learn to speak.  I had it through all
my formative years, then my adolescence.  I spent most of my life as
someone else.  So you see what I mean?  When I say I don't know who I am,
it's quite literal."

"Ah."

"What about this catty girl?  She looks cool."

"Cool?  She looks dangerous *and* slutty."

"As I said, cool.  Who was she then?  There's no plaque."

"I have no idea.  Nobody knows, nobody remembers her, she's not in the
roster or the archives, at least not the ones we can access this side of
the Fourth Wall.  Yet, she keeps popping up, every time we have displays
like this.  I think she's someone none of us remembers, except for the HQ.
 This building is scarily powerful."

The girl touched the statue, becoming a sexy humanoid leopard in a skin
tight body suit.  "Hmm, orange.  Tasteful.  Meow."

"Don't do this.  I have a bad feeling."

"Prr.  Why not?  It's gorgeous."

"Please change back.  Or to anything else."

"All right, all right, party popper."

She seemed to make a big effort.  Then a panicked face.

"What's wrong?", he asked.

"I can't change.  I lost my powers."

"WHAT?  How?"

"How am I supposed to know?  Ask Analytic when you see him.  Or Stomper. 
Maybe it's because the girl doesn't exist and never did, so by becoming
her I truly became her?  Or a rebooted version of the concept, maybe.  I
really have no idea."  She seemed better, however. The panic didn't last
long.

"Well, we'll find a way to get you back."

"Nah.  Don't bother."

"But..."

"What were we just talking about before?  I'm someone now.  I'm myself.  I
have an identity."

"But it's one you copied from someone else."

"No.  Because that person never existed.  It's one my subconscious made
up, based on the non-existing person.  So it's a new thing.  It's my own
thing.  It's me.  I'm Pantra."  She licked her talons.  "Leave it.  Let's
go get a sandwich."

                       =======================

23:55.

Weirdess Magnet rang his glass with a spoon, until everybody was paying
attention.

"Ladies, gentlemen, and genderless or neutral entities."

A thick, sticky silence spread through the hall.

"Does everybody have a drink?  Please get one if you don't.  There's
plenty of Mr. Paprika for those who don't do alcohol."

About half the people shuffled around.  Soon, silence spread again, and
everybody had a drink.

"I'm raising a toast.  To all our missing colleagues.  To all those who
died or disappeared before this mess started.  To all those who gave their
lives for us.  To all those who will be brave enough to accept leadership
in the days to come, assuming my plan for tomorrow doesn't work.  To those
that will save the Legion, if we do get saved, and to those that will pick
up the mantle, if we don't.  To those that came before us; the New-Wave
heroes, Net.Hippies, Challengers of the Abominable, Net.astic Nine,
Classic Squad, P.U.L.P., Wireless Heroes, Boy Lad, and all the groups and
heroes we never heard about, all the way back to the Knights of the
Routing Table and further.  To those that will come after us.  To everyone
retconned out of existence. To the spirit of Net.heroism.  And to the next
15 years."

Everybody cheered, and toasted.  When they lowered their heads again, a
shattered glass and a pool of Gin and Tonic could be seen in the floor,
where Weirdness Magnet was standing a few seconds before.

                       =======================

If I accidentally used some character that was already gone by the 56th
day, assume it's a robot duplicate.  I don't think I did.

Weirdness Magnet, Pantra, and the Acra Flight/New Misfits are mine
Deja Dude, who doesn't actually appear, is Martin Phipps
WannaBe Girl is May Fonseca's, revamped with permission
Retcon Lad is Saxon Brenton's
Boy Redundant Lad is belongs to Jesse N. Willey's, who owns him
Kid Recap is Josh Geurink's
Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad is Arthur Spitzer's
wReamHack is wReam's (ORLY?)
Fourth Wall Lass is Saxon Brenton's
Bandwagon Chick is Sue Clark's
Cannon Fodder is wReam's
The Teens in Trenchcoats (mentioned but not named) are Ben Rawluk's
New Look Lass is Charles Fitzgerald's
Doctor Stomper is T. M. Neeck's,
  but I think the robot is actually Arthur Spitzer's
Multi-Tasking Man is Jeff Coleburn's
Coward Lad is Tom Russel's and Cory Smith's
aLLiterative Lass is Charles Fitzgerald's
Anal-Retentive Archive Kid and Footnote Girl are Saxon Brenton's
4-Color Kid is Todd "Scavenger" Kogutt's
Panta would be Hubert Bartels', if she existed
The Mr. Paprika and Gin and Tonic are public domain,
  but you can pry them from my dead fingers.