LNH: LNH Comics Presents #49: Infinite Leadership Crisis Episode 14

[Martin Phipps]

               INFINITE LEADERSHIP CRISIS

                        EPISODE 14

April 14th, 2007

  "He's gone," Adamant Authority-on-Everything said. 
"Just like all the others."
  "Who's gone?" The Forgetting One asked.
  "Doctor Stomper.  He disappeared at midnight last
night."
  The Forgetting One still looked confused.
  "Everytime a leader of the LNH gets chosen he
disappears at midnight," Kid Recap said.  "This all
started when Ultimate Ninja went on holiday."  With
Kid Recap having done his duty, he waved at everybody
and left.
  Frat Boy shook his head.  "You shouldn't have let
Doctor Stomper do it.  Now what are we going to do?"
  "It doesn't matter," Adamant Authority-on-Everything
said.  "We're all going to keep disappearing until
Ultimate Ninja comes back.  And then maybe he'll
disappear too."  He sighed.  "It's hopeless."
  Master Blaster laughed.  "What's with you people? 
This is the LNH we're talking about!  We've faced
problems like this before and we've come through. 
What makes you think this time will be any different?"
  "I hope you're right," Frat Boy said.
  "I _know_ I'm right," Master Blaster said.  "Now
let's see who the next leader is."

  As he had done for almost two weeks now,
Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad was chosing the next
leader of the LNH by pulling names out of a hat.  This
time he pulled out a name from the hat and announced
the next LNH leader to be...
  "... Master Blaster."
  "Oh @#$%!" Master Blaster swore.
  "What's wrong," Frat Boy asked.  "I thought you said
we had nothing to worry about."
  "That was before Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad pulled
my name out of his hat and sentenced me to oblivion."
  "But 'this is the LNH we're talking about!  We've
faced problems like this before and we've come
through.'"
  "Frat Boy, please," Master Blaster said.  "I know
what I said."  He grabbed Adamant
Authority-on-Everything by the collar.  "You're
supposed to be some sort of expert!  You've got to get
me out of this!"
  "Unhand me!" Adamant Authority on Everything told
him.
  "I could always volunteer to replace you as leader,"
Sarcastic Lad said to him.
  "You'd do that for me, old pal, old friend?" 
  "No," Sarcastic Lad said with a laugh.  "Psych!"
  "Look," Adamant Authority-on-Everything said as he
tried to writhe free of Master Blaster's grip, "you're
the leader now.  You think of something."
  Master Blaster let him go.  "That's right.  I'm the
leader now."  Master Blaster imagined giving the LNH
matching uniforms: full bodied spandex for men and a
matching low cut top and thong for women.  "Oh, man,
so much to do so little time.  There's got to be a way
for me to still be here tomorrow!"  Then it hit on
him.  "Wikiboy!"
  Wikiboy sighed.  "What is it?"
  "You're a smart guy."
  "So I am."
  "You know where the others went."
  "I'm sorry but I don't."
  "You do!"
  Wikiboy shook his head.  "My powers don't work that
way."
  "Yes they do!"
  Wikiboy sighed.  "My powers are limited in that I
can neither be omnipotent nor omniscient.  You can't
ask me to be able to do anything you want nor know
anything you want to know.  I can't perform miracles."
  "Yes you can!"
  "You're not listening."
  "Look, I don't want to disappear!"
  "If my husband disappears then he will be gone,"
Sister State-the-Obvious said.  "Then I won't have my
husband and our daughter won't have a father."
  "You're just getting back at me for all the
malicious edits I've done!" Master Blaster said.
  Wikiboy shook his head.  "Not at all.  If I really
was angry with you then you could ask me to forgive
you."
  "Okay.  You forgive me."
  "I forgive you."
  "Now help me!"
  "I can't."
  "Alright!  Fine!"  Master Blaster stood there
concentrating for a few minutes.
  "Is this meeting over?" Sarcastic Lad asked. 
"Because I rented a bunch of DVDs last night and I
didn't get through them all and I want to go--"
  "Wait!" Master Blaster said.  "Everybody wait!  I
think I'm on to something!"
  "If you can think of some way to prevent yourself
from disappearing then you will still be here
tomorrow," Sister State-the-Obvious said, "and that
would be good."
  "Why don't we just disband the LNH?" Master Blaster
asked.  "Right here.  Right now.  If the LNH is
disbanded then I'm not the leader.  Nobody is.  Then
nobody will disappear."  He turned to Adamant
Authority-on-Everything.  "Well?  What do you think?"
  "It's worth a try," Adamant Authority-on-Everything
said.  "But the LNH leader cannot disband the LNH
without the full support of the team."
  "Fine," Master Blaster said.  "Everyone in favour--"
  "WAIT!" Paranoid Lad screamed.  "What if having the
legion disband is what they want?"
  "Who are they?" Master Blaster asked.
  "You know... _them_."
  Master Blaster sighed.  "You heard what Adamant
Authority-on-Everything said.  If we don't disband we
could all end up disappearing.  Everyone in favour of
the LNH disbanding, raise your hand."
  It looked as though everyone rasied their hands,
including Paranoid Lad.
  "Everyone against?"
  Nobody raised their hands.
  "As the _former_ leader of the LNH, I hereby declare
the team disbanded."
  "Do we all have to leave right away,"
Procrastination Boy asked.
  "I'm sorry but that isn't my responsibility.  You
may all leave if you want.  Or stay.  The LNH doesn't
exist anymore.  Therefore I am not the leader.  You're
all free to go.  Or stay.  Whatever."
  Sister State-the-Obvious gave her husband a big hug.
 "I'm so proud of you!"
  Master Blaster sighed.  "I hope this works."  

  Later that evening, just after midnight, a scream
was heard from Master Blaster's bedroom.  It was
distinctly different from the scream that Sister
State-the-Obvious would normally let out during good
sex.  Several legionaires rushed to see what had
happened.
  It was Sister State-the-Obvious.  She was sitting up
in bed alone.  Master Blaster wasn't there.  "He's
gone."
  Frat Boy gave out a deep sigh.  "So what now?"

                    TO BE CONTINUED

Adamant Authority on Everything, Ultimate Ninja and
Sister State the Obvious are wReam's
Doctor Stomper is T. M. Neeck's
Kid Recap is Josh Geurink's
Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad is Arthur Spitzer's
Frat Boy is uplink's
Sarcastic Lad is Gary St. Lawrence's
Wiki Boy is Tom Russell's
Forgetting One belongs to... um... Joel Finkle :) 
Master Blaster and Paranoid Lad are mine

Martin

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