[LNH] LNH Comics Presents #40: Infinite Leadership Crisis Episode Five

[Martin Phipps]

               LNH COMICS PRESENTS #40

               INFINITE LEADERSHIP CRISIS

                            EPISODE 5

April 5th, 2007

  Just as the LNH were gathering to choose their next
leader, Deja Dude appeared amongst them.
  "Hey, everybody?" Deja Dude said.  "What's up?"
  "Nothing much," Master Blaster said.
  "Nothing except that several of our members are now
missing and presumed dead," Sarcastic Lad added.
  "Eh?" Deja Dude said.  "Who?  What happened to
them?"
  Kid Recap spoke up.  "After Ultimate Ninja went on
vacation, several members of the LNH became leaders
for a day, including Fearless Leader, Irony Man,
Catalyst Lass and Captain Continuity.  Each of them
disappeared at the end of the day at midnight."
  "I see," Deja Dude said.
  "So now you are here to save us?" Special Bonding
Boy asked hopefully.
  "Actually, no," Deja Dude admitted.  "I'm here
because April 5th is tomb sweeping day in Taiwan so
its a day off and I thought I'd just pop in for a
visit."
  "But now you can take over as LNH leader as save us
all from--"
  Deja Dude looked at his watch.  "Oh my goodness!
Look at the time!  You know, with the differences in
time zones being what they are I can't stay long."  He
feigned a yawn.  "It'll be time for bed soon.  Sorry.
Got to go!"  He vanished.

  Doctor Stomper grimaced.  "Alright.  Where were we?"
  "We were about to pick the next LNH leader," Pulls-
Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad said.
  "Indeed," Doctor Stomper said.  "And are you ready?"
  "I've got the hat right here,"
Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad said.
  "Then proceed," Doctor Stomper said.
  "WAIT!"
  "What's wrong, Cheesecake-Eater Lad?"
  "I think we're making a mistake."
  "What do you mean?"
  Cheesecake Eater Lad sighed deeply.  "This all
started when Ultimate Ninja left to go on vacation."
  "Yes.  So?"
  "So maybe we should be devoting our efforts to
looking for the Ninja.  Perhaps this will all be over
when he gets back and the sooner he returns the
better."
  "Or perhaps the timing of these disappearances was
coincidental with the Ninja leaving and if he were to
return now and assume his duties as LNH leader then he
too would disappear."
  "You don't seriously believe that, do you?"
  Doctor Stomper shrugged his shoulders.  "It really
doesn't matter what I believe.  It is up to the next
leader of the LNH to decide our next course of
action."
  Cheesecake Eater Lad nodded.  "Alright then.
Pulls-Paper-Out?"
  "Yes?"
  "Pull away."
  Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad pulled out the name of
the next LNH leader.  "Wow.  This is interesting."  He
looked at Cheesecake Eater Lad.  "The next LNH
leader... is you."  He announced it to everybody.
"Cheesecake Eater Lad is the next LNH leader."
  "Does everybody agree?" Doctor Stomper asked.
  "Various people nodded."  At this point the whole
affirmation process seemed anticlimactic.
  "Alright then," Cheesecake Eater Lad said with grim
determination.  "Where's John?  Where's Sally?"
  John and Sally, Ultimate Ninja's secretary, stepped
forward.  "We're here." John said.
  "Did Ultimate Ninja lead an address where he could
be reached?"
  John shook his head.  "Under the circumstances, we
asked he remain incommunicado.  It wouldn't have been
a real vacation if we could have contacted him, would
it?"
  Cheesecake Eater Lad grimaced.  "Great.  Just
great."  He looked around.  "Did he tell any of you
where he was going?"
  "He was carrying a fishing pole when he left,"
Easily Discovered Man Lite pointed it.
  "He might have been planning to go fishing
somewhere," Sister State-the-Obvious said.
  "That helps," Sarcastic Lad said.  "All we need is
to look for him near a body of water.  One with fish."
  Cheesecake Eater Lad rolled his eyes.
Unfortunately, Sarcastic Lad was right: it was
hopeless; Ultimate Ninja was a ninja, the ultimate
ninja in fact, and the one thing a ninja can do best
is disappear.

  aLLiterative Lass, Cheesecake Eater Lad's wife
started to cry.  "Don't Disappear, Dear!  our
Daughter...!"
  "I know.  I know," he said, holding her in his arms.
 He looked at Doctor Stomper.  "Is there any hope?
Any hope at all?"
  Doctor Stomper mused for a moment.  "Of course.  We
only assumed that the past four disappearances are, in
fact, a trend.  They could, in fact, be four unrelated
disappearances owing to four different unrelated
circumstances that would not necessarily be valid in
your case in which case you would continue to be here
tomorrow morning."
  "But you don't seriously believe that, do you?"
  "Not really."
  aLLiterative Lass looked in his eyes.  "we Have to
Have Hope."
  Cheesecake Eater Lad thought for a moment.  "If this
is my last day with the LNH then I will have to spend
the day doing what I do best, namely making
cheesecake."
  Steak and Potatoes Man stepped forward.  "And I will
help you," he said.  "I only ask that it be an
_American_ cheesecake."
  Cheesecake Eater Lad thought for a moment.  "How
does a cheeseburger cheesecake sound then?"
  "It would be my honour to help you create it!" he
said.
  Sarcastic Lad laughed.  "If only we could then
harness its power and use it to give our enemies heart
attacks."
  "I guess we could always make them eat it," Master
Blaster suggested.
  Sarcastic Lad rolled his eyes.  "You still haven't
learned the art of sarcasm, grasshopper!"

                    TO BE CONTINUED

Cheesecake Eater Lad is M. Jotham Millheiser's
Kid Recap is Josh Geurink's
Captain Continuity is Mystic Mongoose's
Fearless Leader is Dave Van Domelen's
Catalyst Lass is Elisabeth Riba's
Irony Man is Doug Moran's
Dr. Stomper is T. M. Neeck's
Adamant Authority on Everything, Ultimate Ninja, Sister State-the-
Obvious and Special Bonding Boy are Raymond "wReam" Bingham's
Sarcastic Lad is Gary St. Lawrence's
Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad is Arthur Spitzer's
aLLiterative Lass is Charles Fitzgerald's
Easily Discovered Man Lite is Rob Rogers's
Steak and Potatoes Man is uplink's
Master Blaster is mine.
Deja Dude is me.

Martin