[REPOST/LNH] Saviors of the Net #15
arspitzer at earthlink.net
Fri Jun 9 18:37:42 PDT 2006
T H E
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O F T H E
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From: mphipps at my-deja.com
Subject: [LNH] Saviors of the Net #15
Date: 28 Feb 2000 01:55:13 -0000
In article <899jeo$38t at rac6.wam.umd.edu>,
marcs at wam.umd.edu (Marc Singer) wrote:
> US: I'm sorry, Doctor. But you see, you forgot to ask me about the
> other person I took into Brunhilda's killfile.
> UNIDENTIFIED RASPING VOICE: I thought you said this place was hard
> to break into, Cashew. I didn't even have to kill anybody on the
> way in.
> DOC: What the--? Are you wearing a bunch of rubber spiders?
> [Sounds of thumping, furniture breaking, struggle, person having his
> face rubbed in lots and lots of rubber spiders.]
> US: I apologize for Very Disturbed Scary Creature Man's brusqueness,
> Doctor, but I am determined to get your cooperation. By force if
> necessary. Now come along, gentlemen...
> [His voice swells to deeper, more heroic proportions.]
> We've got a universe to save!
> * * * * * * *
> Ultimate Ninja finished reading the transcript and frowned.
> "Put out the general alert," he told Multi-Tasking Man. "Dr.
> Stomper's kidnappers are going to pay for this."
> One hand was already tapping out the message. "What about
> all this Mechanical Author stuff, UN? What should we do about
> "When I find this Savior nutcase--" UN drew his katana with
> a vicious _shing_ -- "he'd better *pray* the Mechanical Author is
> * * * * * * *
> The Mechanical Author had no such doubts.
> At the edges of the multiverse, the Author gathered its
> allegorical energies, humming with power. It stared at the sight
> before it--a gleaming silver wall, covered with gigantic circuitry
> and superfluous torches and statuary. Even though the wall appeared
> taller than the highest mountains, the Author knew it was still
> billions of miles away.
> Realigning itself into attack mode, the Mechanical Author
> fired its boot-rockets and surged forward. Soon, it would break
> through the Fourth Wall.
> And then the authors would pay.
Doctor Stomper took a good look at his captors. "Say, you guys
look like Stubby and Cecil."
"The thugs in 'Thugs on Film'. Of course, they have British
accents. Still, it's conceivable that the writer of this story didn't
know how to do a British accent so you come off as American. In which
case I'd theorise --"
The larger thug had had enough. "Jesus! Why don't I just kill
him and make an example of him to his fellow Legionaires? Perhaps then
they'll listen to us!"
Ultimate Savior shook his head. "No. He's the only one who
could understand what's happening. We need to make him believe us so
that he can convince the others for us."
Doctor Stomper then got a brilliant idea. He could play along
with Ultimate Savior and "Cecil", convince them that he believes them
and perhaps then they'd simply return him to LNH HQ. "So, what were
you saying about retcons?"
Ultimate Savior smiled. "The constant retconing in the recent
Sheep Saga caught the attention of the Mechanical Author. He'll soon
be powerful enough to break through the fourth wall and attack the
"And how does he do that? Wouldn't he, himself, be a creation
of the authors beyond the fourth wall, just like everything else here?"
Ultimate Savior couldn't answer. However, Doctor Stomper knew
that his delusion was perfect, that he would eventually come up with
his own explanation. Doctor Stomper wasn't willing to wait that long:
he used his power to explain even the most bizarre plot contrivances on
the very story Ultimate Savior had told him.
"One possibility is through a computer virus."
"A computer virus is a program created by a computer user for
the sole purpose of disrupting another user's system: the virus will
make copies of itself and go on to affect other systems. A computer
virus would be capable of disrupting an author's system and effectively
destroying it. It would be the closest thing to attacking the author
"Yes! Yes! That's it!" Ultimate Savior exclaimed. "The
Mechanical Author must be trying to create a... uh..."
"To attack the authors themselves! Now do you believe me?"
Doctor Stomper gritted his teeth. "Absolutely! The LNH must
be warned of this danger post haste!"
Ultimate Savior frowned. "Wait... that was too easy. How do I
know you aren't just trying to humour me?"
Doctor Stomper was a bit taken aback by the Ultimate Savior's
question. Perhaps the Ultimate Savior was sane after all! But his
story! It was so unbelievable!
"I'm a scientist," Doctor Stomper told him, quite honestly. "I
have to have an open mind. It wouldn't be the first time that a retcon
mind wiped all but a few people of actual history. It happened all the
time during Retcon Hour. And Non Writer Characters are especially
prone to this sort of manipulation. How can I be sure that any of my
memories are real or if they were just retconned into existance by a
"So... are we going back to LNH HQ or not?"
ARE THEY GOING BACK TO LNH HQ?
HOW DOES THE MECHANICAL AUTHOR PLAN TO ATTACK THE AUTHORS ANYWAY?
WHO IS THE BIG THUG? WILL WE EVER KNOW? DOES EVEN MARC KNOW?
ISN'T THIS A SUPERGUY GAG?
FIND OUT NEXT WEEK (OR SO)! SAME RACC TIME! SAME RACC SITE!
NEXT TIME: Saviors of the Net #16
by Marc Singer
More information about the racc