[LNH] Legion of Net.Heroes Volume II #8

[martinphipps2 at yahoo.com]

___  ___________________________
| |-|                           \
| |-| []                        /
| | | [] egion of               \
| | | []__ [] []   []  []       / #8 "The So-So
| | | [___][ \[]et.[]__[]eroes  \ Seven Start Out"
| | |      []\ ]   [ __ ]       /
| |-|      [] []   []  []       \
| |-|___________________________­­/
| |
| | (The cover shows California Kid, Irony Man,
| | Lurking Girl, Bandwagon Chick, Kid Yesterdaze,
| | Loquacious Lad and Marvel Zombie Lad with all
| | standing ready with Y-Plex Burp omininously
| | hoving over them.)

August, 1985.  Downtown Net.ropolis.

  "This is a bad idea," Irony Man said.
  "Trust me!" Marvel Zombie Lad said.
  Irony Man shook his head.  "Why do we need a downtown headquarters
anyway?  Why don't we just find a place near our current clubhouse?  Or
just build an annex?"
  "It's the perfect location!" Marvel Zombie Lad insisted.  "And it's
already known for being the headquarters of a previous legion!"
  "Exactly!" Irony Man grimaced.  "I don't know if I want people
thinking we're the Net.Hippies!"
  "People are going to make that association anyway.  Why not move into
a location that has historical significance?"
  Irony Man mused for a moment.  "Oh, maybe because the place is an old
dump!  And, besides, the man who owns it will never sell!"
  "I thought you said your father was rich!"
  "He is, but the location is prime real estate."
  "Exactly!"
  "So the current owner is probably going to want to use it to build a
shopping centre or something."
  "Nonsense!  We will reason with him!  Appeal top his better nature!"
  "Good luck!"
  Marvel Zombie Lad laughed.  "Trust me!  We need a new HQ and Y-Plex
Burp is the man who is going to help us!"

Meanwhile, at the LNH Clubhouse.

  "Why do we need to move anyway?" California Kid asked.  "What's wrong
with this place?"
  "It's too small," Kid Yesterdaze explained.
  "Huh?  There's only seven of us!"
  "So far."
  "How big is this team going to get?"
  "I project that there will be dozens of legionaires," Loquacious Lad
predicted.  "I've received several e-mails recently from people saying
they want to join our group.  Off the top of my head I can recall
getting e-mail from Bibliography Boy who has the ability to answer any
obscure question, Browsing Boy who has the ability to read several
comics at the same time, Catalyst Lass
who has the power to make others share her interests,
Inacoustic Kid who has the ability to silence flame wars, Obscure
Trivia Lad who has the ability to remember the stupidest bits of
trivia, Cheese Cake Eater Lad, Fuzzy, the Incredible Unsleeping Man,
Late-Night Lad, Lurker Lad, Mainstream Man, Myk-El, Multi-Tasking Lad,
Nit-Pick Lad, Spelling Boy, Grammar Lad, Organic Lass, Parking Karma
Kid, Pompous Lad, Sardonic Boy, Sidewinder, Squid Boy, Time-Waster Lad,
The Forgetting One, The Invisible Incendiary, Trivia King and The
Incredible Man-With-No-Life!  We are also trying to contact Rebel Yell
in Net Orleans to ask him to join our group but so far there is no
answer from his hotline!  We will also need to hire a janitor and a
receptionist for the new HQ."
  California Kid shook his head and laughed.  "What a bunch of losers!
It doesn't sound as though any of them are worthy to join the LNH!"
  Kid Yesterdaze shrugged his shoulders.  "I don't know.  We accepted
you," he said with a sibg smile on his face.
  California Kid mused for a moment.  "Well, that's true, you guys did
accept me so I guess then that some of these losers... wait a minute...
HEY!"
  Kid Yesterdaze started laughing and quickly ran away.

Meanwhile, at Y-Plex Burp's corporate headquarters.

  "Mr. Burp will see you now," Y-Plex Burp's receptionist told them.
  Irony Man and Marvel Zombie Lad made their way into Y-Plex Burp's
office.  It was huge, with the ceiling extending up one hundred feet,
which was very odd becasue the building only appeared to be three
storeys high from outside.
  "We're here to ask about your property on Rackham Avenue," Irony Man
told him.
  "What about it?" Y-Plex Burp asked.
  "We want to buy it," Marvel Zombie Lad said.
  Y-Plex Birp smiled.  "Absolutely not."
  "But we're forming a legion.  A legion of net.heroes.  We need a
headquarters in just that location."
  "Why?"
  "Nostalgic reasons I guess.  See, we're the LNH."
  "The Legion of Net.Hippies?" Y-Plex Burp asked.  "I thought they had
disbanded."
  "No, not the Net.Hippies.  The Net.Heroes.  But still, the LNH."
  Y-Plex Burp nodded.  "I see."
  "I imagine then that you have plans for the location yourself," Irony
Man said.
  "Indeed," Y-Plex Burp said, proudly.  "Follow me."
  Irony Man and Marvel Zombie Lad followed Y-Plex Burp to the farthest
corner of his office where he had a scale replica of his vision laid
out on the table.
  "Here!" Y-Plex Burp said, grinning from ear to ear.  "The old
Net.ropolis Hotel will be torn down along with the buildings on either
side of it!  Here I am going to have built a new RACCies department
store, here I will have expensive boutiques and stores, upstairs I will
have a cineplex, downstairs there will be a food court and, at the
other end, for those on a budget, I'm going to have a Key-Mart built!
I call it Y-Plex World!"
  "It's very nice," Irony Man said.
  "Oh no no no!" Marvel Zombie Lad said.  "This just won't do!  Please,
Mr. Burp, please!"
  A couple of thugs suddenly appeared behind Y-Plex Burp.  "Do you want
us to do something, Mr. Burp?"
  Y-Plex Burp shook his head.  "No," Y-Plex Burp said flatly.  "Mr.
Stork and his associate were just leaving."

  Later, Bandwagon Chick drove the bandwagon to the old Net.ropolis
Hotel with California Kid, Irony Man, Lurking Girl, Kid Yesterdaze,
Loquacious Lad and Marvel Zombie Lad sitting in the back.  They had
gone to take a look at the site.
  "This is it," Bandwagon Chick said.
  "Wow!" California Kid said.  "Cool!  It's like, so retro!"
  "It is indeed a throwback to an earlier period, perhaps as far back
as the post-colonial era, pre-Victorian era," Loquacious Lad said.
  "It's old," Kid Yesterdaze said flatly.
  "It's a dump," Irony Man said.
  "Oh, I don't know," Lurking Girl said.  "It might just need a bit of
fixing up."
  Marvel Zombie Lad got out first.  "See, now the reception area we can
keep pretty much as is, that and the ball room and the dining room.
Over there we can put in sophisticated computer hardware.  We will need
to reinforce the roof here so we can have flight.thingees take off and
land.  We are building a fleet of flight thingees, right?  Oh and of
course there are plenty of rooms.  I mean, it's a hotel right?  Plenty
of room for all the members we're going to have."
  "You know," Kid Yesterdaze said, "I've been reading up on this place:
apparently this building was already around during the civil war and
there were sub-basements built to house troops and supplies.  And below
that there were sub-sub basements.  I couldn't find out how far down
the basements go, because the records were never de-classified."
  Marvel Zombie Lad sighed.  "We really need this place."
  Lurking Girl spoke up.  "What's Y-Plex Burp planning to do with it?"
  "Tear it down," Irony Man said.  "And build his commercial empire in
its place."
  Lurking Girl smiled.  "Well, that's it then, we go to city hall and
complain.  Maybe it can be declared a historic site!"
  "Hey!" Bandwagon Chick said, "my father's a lawyer!  Maybe he can
help."
  Marvel Zombie Lad smiled.  "Hey, yeah!  And then if Y-Plex Burp can't
tear the place down then he's going to want to sell it!  Alright!"

  Later, at Y-Plex Burp's corporate headquarters, following several
years of litigation, "The judge has handed down his final verdict,"
Thug #1 said.
  "And?" Y-Plex Burp asked.
  "He found in favour of the LNH's claim that the building is a
historical site.  You won't be able to tear it down."
  "Damn them!" Y-Plex Burp swore.
  "Stork senior is offering ten million dollars for the site," Thug #2
informed him.
  Y-Plex Burp thought for a moment.  "Contact Stork senior.  Tell him
that I'll sell for twenty million and not a dollar less!"
  "Twenty million!" Thug #1 said.  "Wow!  That's a pretty good return
on what you paid for--"
  "FOOL!  DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!"  Y-Plex Burp was raving.  "The deal
was done!  RACCies!  Key-Mart!  RACCDonald's!  They had all signed on!
Now I will have to cancel all those deals!  I'll be ruined!"
  Y-Plex Burp slammed his fist onto his desk.  "I'll get them!  I'll
get those net.heroes!  From now on I will use every resource at my
command to see that the legion is destroed!  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha!"
  The two thugs looked at each other and each of them shrugged their
shoulders.  "Oh well, I guess it's okay as long as he continues to pay
us," Thug #2 said.

                     THE BEGINNING

Bandwagon Chick created by Sue Clark
Lurking Girl created by Tori Fike
Marvel Zombie Lad created by Benjamin R Pierce
Irony Man created by Doug Moran
Kid Yesterdaze created by Karthik P. Sheka
Y-Plex Burp created by Benjamin R Pierce 

Martin