[LNH] [RACCIES] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #15
jamie.rosen at sunlife.com
Thu Feb 3 08:43:31 PST 2005
All right, I gave you almost a full day presents:
Just Imagine... Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #16
Bluetooth grimaced. His deal with the Shoe Devil had not gone as he had
hoped -- yes, he had been granted increased strength and speed,
razor-sharp teeth, and a net.ahuman healing factor. But all that power
had been offset with a marked increase in his personal angst -- and he
*still* didn't get credit for his dialogue.
"I wish I'd never made that deal."
He moved stealthily through the sub-sub-sub-basement in search of his
quarry. It wasn't something he wanted to do, but he was forced --
compelled against his will to carry out the wishes of the evil being
that had granted him his newfound powers. He knew it would torment him
in his thoughts as he tried to sleep -- a weight that wound haunt him
until the day he die--
"Oh stop it," said a voice from behind him.
Bluetooth turned around. There was no one to be seen, nothing out of
the ordinary -- just an empty hallway with the usual oddly-coloured
liquid puddled on the ground.
"Who said that?"
"I did," came the voice. One of the puddles on the ground began to
ripple, then extrude upward into a humanoid form that quickly regained
its features. "I -- the Grapety Purple Man!"
Bluetooth took a step back in fear. "But -- but you're dead!"
"Bah. Do you think that would stop me? I am the Grapety Purple Man! And
you shall be my new herald, what with them having filed a lawsuit
against the Kool-Aid Man and all."
"I can't. I've already sold my soles to the Shoe Devil."
"I know," said the Grapety Purple Man. "And that is why you are the
perfect choice." He moved closer, still dripping Grapety Purple juice.
"Allow me to explain..."
Eons ago, my young friend, the Looniverse was shapeless and without
form. It was not until the Writers came that the world began to
coalesce -- and through their power, it gained not just a present and a
future, but a past as well. It is the past that we all know and share,
but it is also a past that had not been until the arrival of the
Many beings believe that this is the past that has always been, or in
the very least, the only past there has ever been. But I, the Grapety
Purple Man, know all too well that this was not the case. For I have
pulled back the curtain and pierced the veil of ignorance to witness
the world that came before that history. I have seen it, and known
Yes, I -- the Grapety Purple Man, have known fear! For this pre-history
is a great gaping maw of nothingness, a hunger that knows no bounds and
no satiation. It was in the face of this hunger that I transformed
myself into the being you see before me, hoping to slake this hunger's
thirst with the cool refreshing Power Grapety Purple. But it was not to
be! I could only repress the hunger, casting it into the deep, from
which I hoped it would not return.
Alas, that day has come, and the past has reawakened.
"I don't understand."
"I did not expect you to," the Grapety Purple Man said. "This virus the
LNH has been warned about -- this virus is the doing of the hungry
"But I thought the anti-virus companies had it under control."
The Grapety Purple Man shook his head sadly. "And therein lies the
problem. For the virus bears the same signature as the works of the
Writers themselves! When the anti-virus programmes come on-line, they
will detect as virii the very archived stories they are meant to
protect -- and wipe them out, and with them, the Looniverse!"
Bluetooth recoiled in horror.
"Only then will this hungry past be satisfied -- for only then will it
have returned to the world it was born into, the world before the
Writers gave us shape and meaning, such as it is."
Bluetooth still wasn't sure what this had to do with him.
"Now, Bluetooth, I see that you still aren't sure what this has to do
"I learned long ago that even the Power Grapety Purple is not
sufficient to put an end to this hungry past," the Grapety Purple Man
said, "but that may be because I am only one part of the puzzle. For
even with Grapety Purple Juice, we need something more filling.
Something more solid. Something like... fillet of sole!"
WHAT will the Shoe Demon thing of his servant being co-opted?
WHAT was he going to do with those soles, anyway?
WHAT is going on with the two Manga Men?
WHAT will be the outcome of the various court cases involved in this
WHAT do you people think of this explanation?
Find out... later!
(I figured it might be a good idea to tie everythiing -- well, some
things -- together at this point in the cascade.)
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