[LNH2] LNH Asia 2020 #4 (of 4)

[Martin Phipps]

LNH Asia 2020 #4: Dorf Wars, Episode III, Part IV

2020.  The future.  Aboard the Millenium Eagle.

  During his three decades with the LNH, Master Blaster had become a skilled 
pilot with more experience than any other human being at navigating Dorfian 
Space.  "We are now approaching the Dorfian Homeworld," he said.
  "Excellent!"  Ultimate Ninja had never been to the Dorfian Homeworld: when 
the LNH negotiated the Treaty of Yaboo with the Dorfs it was, of course, on 
the planet Yaboo.  Ultimate Ninja, along with his crew also consisting of 
Deja Dude, Mother State-the-Obvious, Linguist Lass, Deja Dude II, Utraman 
and Moonfire, were escorting Boba LaRocque back to his homeworld where he 
was to be given over to stand trial in accordance with Dorfian law.
  "We're on a diplomatic mission so we aren't supposed to kill anyone," 
Mother State-the-Obvious reminded everybody.
  "There's a message coming in," Linguist Lass said, doing her best 
imitation of Lt. Uhura.  She paused to listen to it.  "They say 'Welcome to 
Dorf.  You are cleared to land.'"
  "They actually said that?" Deja Dude asked.
  "Actually, no," Linguist Lass admitted, "it wasn't a direct translation.  
A direct translation would include the phrases 'worthless humans' and 
'friggin' well keep downwind of your betters' but I thought I'd spare 
everyone all that."
  Ironically enough, it was the Dorfs that smelt bad and not our heroes but 
the Dorfs would continue to insist it was the other way around for the 
duration of our heroes' stay on their world.

  Soon our heroes were escorting Boba LaRocque before the Dorfian Emperor 
himself.
  "Boba LaRocque," he said, "you stand accused of disobeying the court's 
command and returning to Looniearth in violation of the Treaty of Yaboo.  
How do you plead?"
  "Frig you!" was Boba LaRocque's reply.
  The Dorfian Emperor sighed.  "Very well," he said.  "Bailif, throw this 
cretin against the wall!"
  "With pleasure, you  big fat smelly tub of lard!"  With Boba LaRocque 
still in the chains he had been wearing back on Looniearth, the Bailif took 
him by the arm and pushed him up against the wall as his Emperor had asked.  
He then pulled out a weapon and opened fire.  The weapon was set to its 
maximum setting.  Boba LaRocque was vaporized.
  "He's dead!" Mother State-the-Obvious said.
  "That's it?" Utraman asked.  "That's the entire trial?"
  "I can see I am going to have to pad this issue a bit," Deja Dude mused.
  "Of course that is the entire trial!" the Dorfian Emperor told them.  
"Dorfian justice is swift and fair!"
  "Judgement, sentencing and execution all in a matter of seconds?" Deja 
Dude II asked.
  "Trust me," the Emperor told them.  "No Dorf feels any pity for one who 
would disobey my direct orders!"
  "It would have been simpler just to have killed him back on Looniearth," 
Moonfire suggested.
  "True," the Emperor admitted, "but you insisted on placing him on trial in 
your courts.  That was something we could not allow to happen: no Dorf has 
ever faced judgement at the hands of humans and no Dorf ever shall!"
  "What about us?" Ultimate Ninja asked.
  "What about you?" the Dorfian Emperor asked.  "Do you expect our gratitude 
for delivering him to us?  You could have handed him over to our Ambassador 
back on Looniearth but NO!  You insisted on bringing him here yourselves!  
Well, I hope you are satisfied because it is now time for you to leave!  
Humans are not very well liked on Dorf, especially LNHers, and I would 
prefer if you left as soon as possible before anybody here gets any ideas 
about assaulting you."
  "That sounds like good advice," Mother State-the-Obvious said.

  Soon our heroes were back in space heading away from the Dorfian 
homeworld.  Their entire visit to the Dorfian homeworld had lasted only 
about a couple of hours.
  "So much for our making progress towards a lasting peace!" Master Blaster 
said.
  "I don't know," Deja Dude said.  "It is significant that we were able to 
visit the Dorfian Homeworld and leave unharmed."
  "It is good that we didn't have to kill anybody!" Mother State-the-Obvious 
said.
  "Well, except  for Boba LaRocque himself!" Deja Dude pointed out.  "Don't 
forget that by turning him over to his own people we essentially turned him 
over to be executed!"
  "Don't expect me to spend any time angsting about that!" Moonfire snorted.
  "A bit anti-climactic though," Ultimate Ninja mused.
  "How's that?" Deja Dude asked.
  "All that build up with the negotiations back on Looniearth and then Boba 
LaRocque is executed a third of the way into the final issue!"
  "True, but then look at it this way: Spielberg is always accused of having 
his movies run ten minutes after they could have ended.  Nobody will ever 
accuse _me_ of dragging things out."  He sighed.  "In any case, we're still 
in Dorfian space so it isn't over yet.  In fact, it won't be over until we 
return home to Looniearth!"

  The Millenium Eagle was a state-of-the-art space craft.  It wasn't long 
before our heroes returned home to Looniearth.
  "Alright then, I guess that's it then."

                                                                             
      THE END

CREDITS:

Ultimate Ninja  and Sister State-the-Obvious created by Raymond "wReam" 
Bingham.  Linguist Lass, Deja Dude, Master Blaster, Deja Dude II, Utraman, 
Moonfire, Boba LaRocque and LNH Asia created by me.  Dorfian Emperor created 
by Jeff "Drizzt" Barnes

Martin

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